Monday, January 31, 2005

Ask and ye shall receive

I started anonymous, didn't disclose my location, never said what I did or where I did it. Now, bless them, my Mom and Dad are regular readers. How does that happen? What does that mean? Well I am glad they are interested but do they want to read about my xxxxxxx? My xxxxxxxx? My drunken catfights, pissoffs, expensive impulse buys that they later subsidize as christmas/birthday/firstdayofthemonth ""gifts""?


So anyway...I asked for a sign and I got a lot of sudden upheaval type activity that could loosely be interpreted as personally apocalyptical in any manner that I chose to interpret it.

I got all pissed off at work and the idea of temporary-ness like, I just gotta get through this for two more years then I will never have to ask another person if they need a little more time with the menu suddenly seemed like too much to ask and too much to give so I started stomping towards the door with the intent of slamming it loudly behind me, then turned back and said


and stomped back to the stack of menus and put on my long white apron for Saturday night and all the hungry fat Americans who were coming in to tip me.

That was one tough night. Really. I spun out in the gravel of the 7-11 parking lot with a six pack of beer and eye-gouging rage, woke up my BF, sat on the edge of his bed for over an hour


then admitted that I don't know what the hell I am gonna do with all my busy-ness and broke-ass-ness quitting my job like that and he asked me if I would like to come live with him cause I practically do anyway.

So me and my cat and plants and computer and my bed and my dishes are cooler then his and all my books and shoes and hair products are going to live in the cabin way across town.

I called Beer in Thailand and got a crappy satellite delay and her pixilated voice... like trying to tell a story in a time machine and the laugh for the punchline comes during the mad parts and the sad oohs and ahhs for the victories. I think she meant to tell me GO FOR IT but she coulda been cheering me to quit my job too. I dunno, my phone card cut off.....

In the morning Jason called me... I wasn't at homehome but I think he came here, was at my door, that one that took away the sun. My phone rang at 5am and I was there, in my BFs bed trying to figure out who he was and why he was calling me.

(something musta showed up on his fuckshitup radar)

I remember when I left, when we first broke up it was more like the iceberg we were on got a crack down the middle and we got separated.... but as if relationships only survive on tropical isles. THATISLAME. What I mean is... that one person, who for sick reasons has a weird hold on me.

But its been like, a year since our friend died and I was too scared to show up on time for the funeral so I came late and kissed him instead of paying proper homage to my dead friend. I took an aloe plant that I had given him, the deceased, as a start a few years before. It never really started and died about two weeks after I brought it home. So I went on with my life.

I don't think that I have talked to Jason since then. I doubt I have even talked about him since then. I do remember this though... that first year I drove the same road to school that I drove home for years...had to....through the tunnel into this weird bright sunlight (cause it was new being a morning person). And I held my breath through that tunnel for two terms there and back...rush hour and all, even when I was still a smoker, so that I could make the same wish twice a day that he would come asking on his knees.

(why for? so I could stomp on his fingers for hurting my feelings)

So what does it mean if he actually does come back on his knees and you don't care anymore? I mean you do, obviously. Enough to be a weebit weirded out.

Whatever. Its not about him.

I am gonna move. I didn't think it would be that big of a deal but its a little freaky to say OKAY LETS DO IT! and feel the very nature of things change like a little earthquake in your bones and the coldness is moving up my toes and cooling my high arches.

I am a little unnerved. Suddenly I'm like, who is this guy? What the hell do I see in him? ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?

Am I fucking stupid?

Sunday, January 23, 2005

I Need A Sign

I had a dream last night that I flooded the bathroom and the yard, roamed through dark and lonely hallways, that my Mother was verging on insanity from sadness and my little brother was a child crawling between the walls. I woke up covered in my own hair squinting out the half-fogged window at a tree and a squirrel and a rugged terrain of blankets between here and there.

I would be lying if I said I was I was doing everything right. If I wanted to I could look backward for consolation, like when Sam told me I am not the HOTHEAD I used to be, but it doesn't excuse the present day.

Friday, January 21, 2005

Free time and a half

Last night I tried straightening my hair while Kate filled me in on all the good gossip. This morning it was warm and misty and I drove her son waywaaywaaaay out to Hillsboro in the slow lane with my swanky new hair then went and had lunch with my baby downtown after he toured me through the making of a containment unit on the 23rd floor of Portlands tallest skyscraper. I got a hard hat and a badge. Woah! See what a fancy hairdo can do for you?


not knot

Thursday, January 20, 2005


Once a week I have a night/morning off paired together... and one full day off (Monday) where I have work the night before and early classes the next morning.
Tonight is that night... I have no work, and I get to sleep in in the morning.

I haven't been home to sleep in my own bed for a few days and this morning at 6am the whole apartment stank of stinky hummus and something else in the garbage no longer identifiable. I was like a flash flood of cleanliness...woosh!

Willie, who is fed and played with while I change clothes between school and work is stir crazy and wants badly to sink her claws into me and make me stay put.

Life is slick and oily. There is nothing really for me to hang onto. I wanna give everything away. Anyone need a moon globe, red boots or a hula girl air freshener?

I have some healing dirt from the Sanctuario De Chimayo too...

And a hypno-trance inducing CD. The only time I have to listen to it is on the commute to school. Hmmmm.....

Monday, January 10, 2005

My world gets exponentially smaller and less anonymous

I spent the whole sunshiny morning in my PJs chatting with Bicyclemark on Yahoo messenger, delightful... then changed into yesterdays sweaty running clothes...ran...and now, am back in my PJs and don't think I am getting out of them for anything.

I ran eight miles in shorts. I have a mild case of walking pneumonia and its 40 degrees out. Came home and took a hot shower so hot that I was not done till I was well done, like Asia steak.

running on the Willamette bluff

That's the kinda thing that yer telling reporters when they hike a leg up onto your porch stoop asking you how you made it to celebrate yer 130th birthday and you rock back and forth a few times looking off in the distance, take a sip of whiskey and say YOU CANT GO 'ROUND BEING A PUSSY. I got a hundred years left.

Now I am eating tangerines and tangerine seeds and raw almonds and drinking water and thinking about dreams and gnocchi and digital watches and Dale Watson and how much time I spend figuratively and literally running from things and I am usually not sure what I am running to.

Somewhere along the route I found this treeshrine to the Virgin of Guadalupe...

From the class syllabus, syllabuses, syllabus', syllabii (?) its clear to me that I cannot skate through this term, that that shit will not fly this time around. So there may not be much of me around for a few weeks but check in anyway and leave an encouraging comment or email. Please...

(its probably just your typical procrastinators LIE)

Edison (Slobberbone - Gimme back my dog!)

"But wait, don't leave us hanging"

Willie loves the TV and slapping things with her claws

As far as I know, I have never in my life been the first person to use a toilet... nor have I seen the mysterious esoteric plumbing holes that just made pee and poo and puke and dead goldfish disappear like that...poof

Sooooo I thought, before I shove off...

Its the New Toilet review!

Mansfield 1.6gpf #130 White Toilet Bowl and #160 Tank

Acoustically the new toilet bowl is a rewarding montage of delicate tones, the porcelain angles and shallow pool are a bit of a change from the old toilet where one could pee in utter silence but any toilet aficionado will quickly learn to appreciate this models resonate sonorousness.

Mechanically the Mansfield is a plumbing dream... the product of years of research, development and litigation. The flush handle has a pneumatic action that offers just the right amount of resistance and sigh of acceptance as the water swooshes satisfyingly out of the tank and into the bowl. The initial swoosh reports like the old familiar toilet but falls silent almost immediately as the waste is carried away.

Ergonomically the Mansfield 130 is more upright and keeps the user at attention by employing a slight tilt to the angle of the seat, which simultaneously offers more support to the lower back. Additionally the slightly higher seat may come at a shock in the middle of the night a few times as you slam your bottom onto a toilet seat you thought was an inch or so lower, but with use comes familiarity and the raised seat does wonders for the knees and ankles.

Bottoms up, I say!


So what do you do when someone orders a penut greg-eye-oh? I cant help but delightfully ask them if they meant pinot grigio.... its like I want to embarrass them or something...

I have one of those wayward tastebuds right on the tip of my tongue and I thought I would try to pluck it off with tweezers. Everything seems so mysterious to me right now. But fuckin' ouch.

No mystery there.

Friday, January 07, 2005

Who schedules a goddamned court date for New Years Eve Eve?

It is raining in Portland today. Normally that might elicit a passionless WELL, DUH out of most people, HOWEVER keep in mind that we are at only 21% of our annual snowpack/rainfall for the rainy season. Ouch.

And so the rain is mighty welcome, 'specially cause there is nothing creepier then an Oregonian with a winter tan.

Classes started up again this week, ASL, Interpreting Theory, Interpreting Process, Linguistics and Field Experience plus $200 worth of crappily bound xerox pamphlets and text books with a shelf life of unrefridgerated milk... all four of them...
My head feels a little loose and wobbly.

I finally collected myself enough to pay some bills and tend to the pressing bureaucratic lifeordeath noticesandsummonsandtickets or whateverthefucks laying around like that little *ahem* speeding ticket from a few weeks back and noticed *** fuckfuckfuck*** that I missed my court date (again) and might as well just slap the cuffs on me now cause that'd give me the ole WHATFOR and show me the road Im headed down....




My toilet and kitchen sink faucet are at this very moment being replaced by the maintenance man who lives in apartment#12 with his Hot Russian Girlfriend who makes me wish I still smoked cigarettes. He has a handlebar mustache and isn't really talking to me so I am just trying to stay out of his way. I just sneaked a peek with my camera.


Last weekend I called Beer who is far enough away from Phuket in Muang Nonthaburi that she wasn't neck deep in angry ocean water much to my relief. She just might be coming back to the United States in the next few months depending... But still, I donated my grocery bill to the Red Cross on my credit card(!) cause I figure if I gonna go to debtors prison I wanna go with a clear conscience...

...and then I bought her enough holiday discounted chocolates that postage alone will be equal to airfare. What are you gonna do? Sometimes love is bigger then money.

Last night the boyfriend insisted that we watch Mr. Frost cause, as he seems to recall, it was a really good flick, interesting, well made, engaging and creepy... but he is wrong and has no credibility and was old enough even at the time to know better. Henceforth he has only an advisory role in movie picking and even then will be regarded with a measure of skepticism, if not outright scorn.

I am gonna make him grow a handlebar mustache I think... what do you think?

something like this maybe?

-tips for growing your own, or not

Sunday, January 02, 2005

Year In Review

Yeah, its soooo 2004 and no one cares about 2004 anymore... but I am so behind. If I am gonna catch up I gotta start somewhere and my stack of bills looks too daunting right now and the laundry is too too dirty. So!

In 2004 I...

-ran 678.37 documented miles, over six hundred of them in the same pair of shoes I am still wearing

-suffered three running related injuries

-ran Bloomsday 12k, Pear Blossom 10 miles, Up The Lazy River 10K, Mt. Tabor Challenge 8K, Hood To Coast Relay, Run Like Hell 5k and The Portland Marathon

-rode the Mountain Lakes Challenge Century Ride, Seattle To Portland 204 miles, Midvalley Tour Metric Century, Peach of a Century Metric Century, Oregon Coast Cycling Festival Century ride

-kissed six people

-lost two more hubcaps and a cat, got a new cat... Willie

-quit drinking coffee at least seven times

-had one car stolen and later recovered

-boarded 4 airplanes, rode in one wheelchair, drove through seven states, slept in three hotel rooms and nine different guest bedrooms

-rode one Ferris wheel four times and five rollercoasters twelve times

-got two speeding tickets and only one parking ticket

-applied and got accepted to the SLIP, applied for a received one scholarship

-made two people cry in a bad way, three cry in a good way

-attended one funeral and zero weddings

-got one new tattoo

-suffered two tire blowouts and one bicycle flat

-got published


Margin of error is plus or minus couple here or there


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