Wednesday, December 29, 2004

The Lies are obvious...

Fr'instance, I didn't actually loose three million at craps cause I didn't have it to start with. Duh.

It was more like three million in play. Parlay up, and then byebye buckys. One can make a million quicklike at the Craps table. Just ask Celion (major looser). Why do you think she was in such a bad mood?

And when there was nowhere else to go but down we went to Fremont street, old Vegas, more tarnish then shine these days. Mom and I took sci-fi pictures in the bathroom at Binions while our company waited outside and rolled their eyes.

I love you to infinity

They have a big (BIG, worlds biggest BIG) screen TV bolted above the four blocks of casinos down there and they gave the remote control to your best friends from middle schools asshole brother.

Mostly really, Bestest Friend and I wandered around cut loose from the Family cause we couldn't seem to wind our watch. It was windy and my hair was tangled the whole time. We wore lots of black and generally I just hung onto his arm building up static electricity on casino carpets and shocking the hell outta myself every few minutes. He is a sculptor and we hit a bad patch at the Forum Shops where he found his sculptor sensibilities deeply wounded when we came upon the Bacchus fountain. I had to loan him my dark glasses and lead him sit down in the coffee shop for awhile.

The whole trip (minus gambling ante and showgirl tips) was a gift from Lee and his parents. Woah!

Goddamn awesome!



I had super creepy dreams last night about trying to save a girl who was being murdered by Hannibal but I had to smash his head in and throw his brain in the canal then as he died his eyes rolled back and got all red and he swore I would be next. Meanwhile the girl kinda slunk away or something cause I dont remember much more of her. I got hysterical and tried to find the cops.

Most of the night I was stuck skiing on melting dirty slopes and swinging on a fraying trapeeze in a dying town followed by a tiny robot that was trying to shoot me with real bullets. It was unsatisfying.

But now I am late to go get Sam who is probably still sleeping. Dame Darcy is appearing down at Reading Frenzy tonight. ohmygodohmygodohmygod....
I probably wont make it though.

I got a hot date.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Sitting Still Skills

I have spent the morning trying to catch up with all my favorite blogs and well over an hour trying to correct a little QUIRK in my computer that prevents me from commenting on some of them. If you don't hear from me, well, I tried. I really, really did.

But whatever. All I wanted to say was 'tupid stuff like...MY GREAT UNCLE OWNED THE FIRST TEAM OF BUDWEISER HORSES and YER SO CUTE WHEN YER MAD, I WANNA MAKE OUT WITH YOU and you might know who you are.

Nevada sunset

However!!! Even vacation has its limits. Now I gotta go run... then go work... then go find those real people who keep calling and if I want them to keep calling I have to show up once in a while.

Maybe after that I will come back here, sit with this fat cat on my lap and tell you that we drove over 2300 miles, got a speeding ticket, a tire blowout, lost three million bucks at craps, fell in the fountain at Ceasars Palace, heckled Carrot Top at MGM Grand, threw a smoky Belvedere martini on Celion Dion when she said I looked like a hooker in my strappy heels. That Bitch.

HI Mom

Some things here are lies.

I was sleeping when we got pulled over.

Merry belated holidays!

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Could Be...

Mayim called me to task. Busted.

ok - this is COMPLETELY smart-assy, but is your injury from carrying world-record breaking quantities of glasses in one hand??!?

Smart-assyness well taken... its not the 10 water glasses, cause they dont weigh much...

...but there is a small chance that it could be the 426 pounds of ceramic plates that I carry when I am clearing tables.

You see, I secretly imagine myself to be in the Servers Olympics and winning the gold medal for clearing an eight top dinner table in one trip. Being that I am left handed I tend to pile most of the weight on my right arm.

So, duh... yeah... I should know better.


Its a laundry doing, cat food buying day. After work tonight I am leaving for Ashland, then Tahoe then onwards to Las Vegas.

I am kinda freakin out. Let the good times roll.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

ache, affliction, agony, discomfort, distress, malady, misery, soreness, spasm, strain, torment, torture

I am quite serious about being in wicked pain and even more serious about my Doctor traipsing around Mexico trying to heal his broken heart.

And I have been without any means of pain management for the last week, FINALS WEEK... during which I rely quite heavily on the use of my arms... the right arm currently crippled in ceaseless agony.

I AM STUDYING AMERICAN SIGN LANGUAGE FER CHRISSAKE! I need that arm for with to make classifiers and to modulate my verbs in a directional manner.

Constant pain becomes hypnotic. Then I come-to like I could snap at this aliveness not-endingness and it makes me want to throw things... but in general people say I seem even more relaxed then usual...

I think its cause I prefer hypnotic daze to demonic possession.

I don't have insurance see... and have yet to convince myself that I can justify an uninsured trip to the ER.

Cause I have an unverifiable injury...
(without an MRI)
the collaborating MD is unreachable in Mexico...
I don't want an office visit cause I don't need a diagnosis....
I just need a prescription.

That sounds bad. I know how bad it sounds. It feels even worse.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Pain Euphoria

I ran out of pain medication at 8am this morning. My doctor left for Mexico at 7:59.

The offending muscles. I am deeply offended.

Got a .01 cent tip last night. Baffled. Wuz it cus yer boyfriend was checkin me out? Shit.
Discovered I can carry 10 water glasses in my hand at one time.
Surely a world record.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Pink Elephants

I gotta admit, I have been out of the loop just a wee bit since the election. Its a semi-intentional self preservation tactic, and a semi-self centered rathergetmygrooveon thing I am doing.

One must descend from emotional heights with great care. ... though, really, a small part of me is a little disappointed that the United States hasn't erupted in violent revolt and meaningful upheaval. Small part.

But its not like I have been waiving my pitchfork in the air. Just today, while digging through a mound of clean laundry for a pair of pants that really flatter my ass I felt that twinge... who knows where it came from. Must have washed it, that old sense of OUTRAGE, in a jacket pocket or something.

Rumsfeld is a total jerk. Bush is a hypocrite. The Canadians prove once again they aint so bad. The war is a failure , the media cant be trusted...

What else is new though? That shoulder injury, which left me with permanent nerve damage in the thumb of my right hand earlier this year, is acting up something wicked. I am loopy and nauseous from Vicodin and pain.

I still have to work and study though, and so I gotta battle the fog. This morning I made myself the KICKINGEST ASS cup of coffee you ever seen... I poured a little rice milk in there and I swear the coffee got blacker.

Is it okay to call a mans dog by another mans dogs name?

sink kitty

I wasn't exaggerating about Willies destructive nature. My bathroom will be rubble soon.

She will destroy everything


Bicyclemark, I am doing everything with my toes today just for you. Happy Birthday man.


I wonder what my study group will think of that? Plus, I decided I aint changing out of my PJ's today. Ass-flattery be damned. Its finals week. There is only so much I can give.

Monday, December 06, 2004

He'll Never Find It Again

newly potted plants!

And while I am at it I might as well throw in a picture of my marathon toe and favorite PJs. See that badass purpleness? Oucha.

freakishly long toes

I told Him about my blog last night but I think he understands exactly zero and asked me once,twice,four times NOW WHAT EXACTLY IS A BLOG AGAIN? He's got the inkling he is behind the curve here, said he heard about BLOGS during the election coverage. AND A BLOG IS WHAT NOW? WHATTZIT ABOUT?

ANYTHING I say, Googling a blog about chainsaws, and one about politics. SEE? ANYTHING AT ALL.

This one is about you baby.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Finals Week

Man I just drank like, 10 cups of rot-gut coffee hunched over weeks of notes and highlighted text and scraps of reminders to do things I never got around to doing.

This girl, pouring over the books with me, she is alway anxious even though she is smart and healthy and young and beautiful... and I worry about her. There is something fundamental in her world view that is heavy and achey and I wish I could make her laugh, take her home, feed her, make silly collages from old magazines.

When I see that kind of sadness I get all protective.

I get all maternal and shit.

Anyway, I am transplanting Pathos and Arrowhead starts into nice little clay pots so His house'll be lusher and greener. I like jungle-y little alcove life and mine is getting the clearcut treatment from Willie and busy-busy-ness of life in general. I already gave Him the palm tree scratching post that was next to the front door in order to save its precious life.

how much damage can one little cat do?

I got tired shins and maybe I will skip my long run tomorrow. Study instead.

Friday, December 03, 2004


I got another speeding ticket last night which makes me laugh hysterically and feel spitting mad and irritated and overwhelmed all at the same time cause I am broke and a jerk and dont even want to own a car anyway. The only reason I am keeping it is cause he lives 12.9 miles down a dark slick reckless road and I dont want to get kilt on my bicycle by the likes of me.

I am 15 miles in every other direction for school and carpool and work. The grocery store that has been remodeling for a year finally opened so now I can walk to my macaroni and broccoli and tofu and coffee.

I'm cold and aimless today. Every day of the week is work or school or both and I am piqued by the tiredness of it all. I want a real weekend with the heat cranked up and couch sitting, snack eating leisure. Wanna walk to the coffee shop and read unassigned books till my ass goes numb then do a crossword puzzle in ink and drink a second pot of coffee. Shit.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Deleting Drafts

I have all these drafts of posts of stuff that got too big to tackle or stuff that I didn't want to admit.

BIG subjects, take.on.the.nature.of.existance subjects that make me feel exhausted and wimpy.

Like that smacked around thing with my neighbor going to court...

Or back in the beginning of summer, having dreams about my ex-boyfriend who was a selfish prick and its bad enough that I know secretly what I put up with (for years), but that I still have sentimental dreams annoys me.

And then how I tried to save but killed that little duck, and that kitten that died, and that nestless baby bird but my intentions were solid gold.....

And negative genetic tests and brain cancer and the awkward silence...

Those mass graves in Latin America. Razor sharp emotions.

What happens to the body in the electric chair.

Why we started building Nuclear Power Plants as a P.R. campaign, the domestic counterpart to the nuclear arms race.


Already I need to go take a nap.

I am not shallow, just sensative and spooked.


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