Tuesday, January 17, 2012


I'm sick.  Around here, we don't even need other people to catch colds from anymore.  We're generating our own strains, we are a totally self-contained viral eco-system.  I'm as sick as I'm not sick, easily, and that means whatever marginal advantage that might be had by precautionary measures can suddenly add up to a sizable percentage of my life. 

Pre-Thea, my approach to the cold virus was to ignore all the advice and do not a thing because really, all the hand-washing, zinc-popping, medicine-buying added up to a lot of time and/or money for what?  A small statistical advantage, perhaps an extra 24 hours of reduced viral misery quotient over the 730 days on average in which I suffered one cold.  What?  Does that make sense?  I can't do any proof-reading because I can't see through the mucus tears filming over my eyeballs.

Now that we're raising Patient Zero, I do it all.  I pay a premium for lotion-infused tissue instead reaching for a sandpapery roll of toilet paper.  I have humidifiers, a neti pot, and at least three other brands of saline sinus spray, homeopathic tablets, vapo-rubs, and all the medications in my cabinet are well within their expiration date.

Last night I didn't get any sleep, having a toddler in the bed head-butting me with all the outrage her grief and exhaustion could muster.  OH PLEASE, GRANT ME GRACE.  She finally fell asleep at 4:45.

When I left for work an hour and a half later it was only raining delicately, but on the drive up the hill to campus the snow began to fall and became increasingly flurried and treacherous.  Finally, having slid uselessly against the curb a block away, I consider defeat (freezing to death I've heard is like falling asleep (deeply appealing option)) and yet, look there, a huge red CAMPUS CLOSED sign like a fucking love note to me.  At home, snow fell but did not accumulate the rest of the day. 

Later, I stopped by the pharmacy for MORE medications.  Congestion being the main sleep disruptor, I asked the pharmacist what was safe for a toddler.  I almost began to tremble with relief when she said a half a teaspoon of benedryl was safe, but might induce sleepiness. 

The snow they say, is to begin accumulating.  With any luck we'll all be sleeping well past when the alarm would go off and I'll spend the day under the dining room table, driving around in the passenger seat of Thea's car. 

Head thumping, eyes not working together, nose in revolt.  This song actually brought tears to my eyes.  Real, misty tears. 


Roy said...

Sorry. A get-well-soon to patients zero through two or so.

Kristiana said...

Thanks Roy! A snow day will make us all better.

eclectic said...

SNOW DAY!! Perfect timing! Ugh, so sorry you're all so sick, and hoping you feel much better very soon. Enjoy your day off, at least as much as your viral load will allow.

asha said...

Poor babies. I hope the snow day, a half teaspoon of benedryl and cozy afternoon naps for all, including the critters, made everybody alllll better.

someone said...

oh, i wish i'd read this... i'd bring you soup. you better?

Roger said...

Apparently your viral scourge has jumped containment and has made it across the Willamette. Thanks for that. Oh goddamn the leaky eyes.

someone said...

Hey. Coffee this weekend. Its April again. You should write something.

Roy said...

Good morning. Now it's May.

eclectic said...

Hey you,
Can't seem to find your email address, so I'll ask you here instead: Wanna come backpacking into the Enchantments July 26-30? PLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEAAASSE?

Kristiana said...

I can't find your email address either. I'd like to know a little more about the trip. I'm going to do some internet sleuthing to see if I can track you down.


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