I thought it better to entertain an interrupted toddler in a setting more private than a full house with a newborn, so I'm staying in a
Every night I pace, and sing, and cuddle and mostly restrain her until she gets sooo tired (and screamy) she falls asleep by accident, twoplus hours after her bedtime! And when she wakes up at 5am she is already ready for a nap, but, being away, wont take one except by accident.
I would be betraying her to tell you how hard the last five evenings here have been for me, because it's my job to want to do anyanything at all for her. I'd jump in front of a train, I would... but feverish hyper-exhaustion just seems, I dunno... unnecessary, like something that can just be knocked-off. These nights, oh, I suffer all the rage and sorrow she can muster. I practice my Zen calm and try to let it go through me but it's hard to not fall down when it does.
I don't like it here and I don't even know where the fuck I am. I had to Google "Great Falls" just now to see my location, and it's relationship to places I do know. To be honest, I'm just looking to pick a fight with this town. For example, I've put over 25 foot miles into this place and only seen three other runners. But I was mad when the second, then third runner went past me today because it destroyed the case I was building against this town. I still don't have to like it, even if people here do occasionally run.
So anyway, we're a whole bunch of family gathered together, several from as far as Norway, waiting on a baby. I hope it's a SHE, I hope SHE comes tonight, though that will be a Friday the 13th birthday, but eh... there are worse things.