Thursday, August 12, 2010

Great Falls, Montana

I'm in Montana this week for a baby but there is no baby yet. Today is the third day after the due date, DD+3 and it feels like there will never be a baby, like there is no such thing but a basketball under a shirt. In good faith we wait, and eat occasional meals together.

I thought it better to entertain an interrupted toddler in a setting more private than a full house with a newborn, so I'm staying in a post-prison halfway-house motel my brother recommended, near one of the less glamorous freeway exits. I spend the evenings wrastling with my small, but willful daughter. It's rough for a bebeh, you know, not being in her own bed living her own known life. She has true mastery of the concept DOG (word and sign, living and representational) but almost no mastery at all for the whimsy or caprice of her own emotions.

Every night I pace, and sing, and cuddle and mostly restrain her until she gets sooo tired (and screamy) she falls asleep by accident, twoplus hours after her bedtime! And when she wakes up at 5am she is already ready for a nap, but, being away, wont take one except by accident.

I would be betraying her to tell you how hard the last five evenings here have been for me, because it's my job to want to do anyanything at all for her. I'd jump in front of a train, I would... but feverish hyper-exhaustion just seems, I dunno... unnecessary, like something that can just be knocked-off. These nights, oh, I suffer all the rage and sorrow she can muster. I practice my Zen calm and try to let it go through me but it's hard to not fall down when it does.

I don't like it here and I don't even know where the fuck I am. I had to Google "Great Falls" just now to see my location, and it's relationship to places I do know. To be honest, I'm just looking to pick a fight with this town. For example, I've put over 25 foot miles into this place and only seen three other runners. But I was mad when the second, then third runner went past me today because it destroyed the case I was building against this town. I still don't have to like it, even if people here do occasionally run.

So anyway, we're a whole bunch of family gathered together, several from as far as Norway, waiting on a baby. I hope it's a SHE, I hope SHE comes tonight, though that will be a Friday the 13th birthday, but eh... there are worse things.

6 comments:

Roy said...

You ask me, being born in a town that is home to the worlds oldest man, (Walter Breuning) AND the only minor league baseball team named after a UFO, (Great Falls Voyagers) is quite auspicious, if not entirely punctual, therefore totally negating any negative waves from the day and date.

But none of that helps you. Sorry.

Kristiana said...

It all helps Roy. But I still wish she was being born in Portland. I'll settle for her just being born before I leave though.

Don said...

She bides her time. As I said at ashabot, it is her special dignity. Or whatever I said.

Is Great Falls like Post Falls, ID? Seems these northern midwestern towns all have Falls in them. (To me any state not touching the Pacific is midwestern.) Post Falls was Idaho's "fastest growing" but all that meant was a surfeit of truck stops and Wal-Marts, and crowned with a massive Cabela's mounted like the Koh-i-Noor in a huge glittering parking lot.

But if runners can redeem a place, maybe there's a Peet's too.

Kristiana said...

I agree, geographically. We are the true WEST. Of course, the difference is more than a location in space. They don't even recycle glass here for example. No curbside, nothing! As an Oregonian I find this savage and inexcusable. But I guess I am being an ethnocentric snob. Like I said, I have it out for this town probably because it took John farther away from us (they just recently moved here (for a job)).

Anyway, yes, I like your description of glittering parking lots. We are our own undoing.

Still no baby.

eclectic said...

Ugh. Baby, please arrive now. You're sufficiently late to make a fashionable and memorable entrance, so shall we just commence already, hmmmm? Thanks!

Meanwhile, Miss Thea? I wish you could come hang out with me while your mama waits for your cousin. But since you're too far for that, please give Mama a break and knock-off the feverish hyper-exhaustion routine, eh? ;)

Kristiana said...

Yes please girls, listen to Shari. This trip is killing me.

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