Saturday, August 21, 2010


Clark is gone for the weekend camping with his extended family. I wouldn't be missing it except for the recent Great Falls Exhibition of Horrors. There is no way I'm dragging that kid out of her snug little bedtime routine again until she is old enough to negotiate, old enough to sit still and listen to an explanation and maybe old enough for regret. Until then, thanks, I'll stay home. At the rate she is mastering worldly skills it should only be a few more weeks.

What I missed most being gone was our walks in the mornings and evenings. Thea and I go around the block in footie pajamas and bid prolonged farewell to anyone passing in the other direction, especially with a dog, or to anyone getting into a car. About halfway home we stand on the sidewalk while she signs CHICKEN to me and points to the house where they indeed have chickens in the yard. It takes several minutes before I can convince her that I know there are chickens in that there yard, and that it is OUR JOB to say goodbye to those chickens.







Chicken party

It's the cutest fucking thing that ever happened to those chickens and tonight they came to the fence and we had a little chicken party. It was a going away party. BYE CHICKENS!


Speaking of babies! There still ISN'T one over in Montana. Anita went in for another doctor visit, another stress test, and for the laying out of options. They will try to induce on Monday. In the meantime, all the old wives tales are being vigorously researched online and ringers are being left on all through the night. So far, the only wake-up calls I've gotten have been notification that it's my turn at WORDS WITH FRIENDS. (username: theachance (if you like that kind of thing)).

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

While we were gone

The apple tree in the back yard fell the fuck over. The house smells like paint and the backyard is strewn with tree limbs and paintbrushes, drop clothes, rollers, lengths of quarter-round molding...

Clark did a lot of work while we were in Montana. He replaced the molding through the whole house, something that we have not made the time for since the floors were redone back in January, and finished painting every floorboard, wall and ceiling on the ground floor except the kitchen (remember that project from last fall?). Whew! I'm tired sitting here comfortably on the couch just looking at the walls! I better make some noise about how hard it was to be in Montana with that baby so we all know the score is even.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Packing for Home

This has been a long exhausting trip. I am packing to leave tomorrow morning and there is still no signs of real labor. The expectant parents are at the midwife right now for another stress test, another ultrasound, a little bit more poking and prodding. It is seeming pretty likely that I won't be getting my hands on a baby this visit. Boo.

I don't necessarily have to leave tomorrow. I don't have any pressing concerns to get home to, but I miss my husband, I miss my dog, I miss my child transitioning easily and comfortably into sleep. As I write this Thea is screaming from the other room after napping for a mere 20 minutes. I am wondering if the pack-n-play is close enough to the shelves that she can pull the whole thing down on her head, or maybe get a foothold to climb up and stick her finger in a light socket. This child is killing me. The future should invent hover cams for monitorning kids. Aren't we living in the Space Ages! I wouldn't be wondering if she was ingesting a tube of zinc oxide I swear might be within arms reach of the crib. Damnit why is she so quiet right now?

Missouri River

Anyway, half of the family left yesterday. It was hushed and a little sad around here. I packed up from my seedy motel and moved into the baby room, cooked up a couple more casseroles for the deep-freeze, walked to the park, drank a couple beers with John. In the evening we walked the river side trail past some falls. I wouldn't call them Great... there must be something better because these look like they are only exposed because of the dam immediately up river, which was not here when Lewis and Clark trekked by taking note of the greatness of the falls ... anyway, they were Nice Falls behind which the sun set prettily and still, neither baby was lulled, theirs to labor, mine to sleep.

Mediocre Falls

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Great Falls, Montana

I'm in Montana this week for a baby but there is no baby yet. Today is the third day after the due date, DD+3 and it feels like there will never be a baby, like there is no such thing but a basketball under a shirt. In good faith we wait, and eat occasional meals together.

I thought it better to entertain an interrupted toddler in a setting more private than a full house with a newborn, so I'm staying in a post-prison halfway-house motel my brother recommended, near one of the less glamorous freeway exits. I spend the evenings wrastling with my small, but willful daughter. It's rough for a bebeh, you know, not being in her own bed living her own known life. She has true mastery of the concept DOG (word and sign, living and representational) but almost no mastery at all for the whimsy or caprice of her own emotions.

Every night I pace, and sing, and cuddle and mostly restrain her until she gets sooo tired (and screamy) she falls asleep by accident, twoplus hours after her bedtime! And when she wakes up at 5am she is already ready for a nap, but, being away, wont take one except by accident.

I would be betraying her to tell you how hard the last five evenings here have been for me, because it's my job to want to do anyanything at all for her. I'd jump in front of a train, I would... but feverish hyper-exhaustion just seems, I dunno... unnecessary, like something that can just be knocked-off. These nights, oh, I suffer all the rage and sorrow she can muster. I practice my Zen calm and try to let it go through me but it's hard to not fall down when it does.

I don't like it here and I don't even know where the fuck I am. I had to Google "Great Falls" just now to see my location, and it's relationship to places I do know. To be honest, I'm just looking to pick a fight with this town. For example, I've put over 25 foot miles into this place and only seen three other runners. But I was mad when the second, then third runner went past me today because it destroyed the case I was building against this town. I still don't have to like it, even if people here do occasionally run.

So anyway, we're a whole bunch of family gathered together, several from as far as Norway, waiting on a baby. I hope it's a SHE, I hope SHE comes tonight, though that will be a Friday the 13th birthday, but eh... there are worse things.


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