Sunday, November 09, 2008

Disordered sleep

Maybe it only happens about once a year, but I have these dreams sometimes that just completely undo me and I surface gasping and cry myself awake. For a half an hour last night I was inconsolable and cried until I was undone; shuddering, hiccuping and dehydrated in the dark next to my bewildered, sleepy husband.

DO YOU WANT TO TELL ME ABOUT IT? No, I don't know how. I can put my finger on and trace it as far as my arm can reach but it goes even farther. This goes back before I was born. There must be an infinity of sadness in me.

Sometimes things are best explained with graphs. I drew this today based on a few calculations I made as I fell back asleep.

Infinite sadness

Do I = f(x)? ...but I didn't draw anything on the Y axis? Does the X axis represent capacity for sorrow? I am aware that this demonstrates an absurd and wildly inaccurate grasp of mathematics but it was dark and my head was swollen. Still, there is truth here.

Barefoot in the kitchen

Tonight, with bare feet, I made hot spicy hot Pad Thai from scratch and it was restorative.

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