Thursday, October 02, 2008

Veterinary adventures

The pets in this house have cost me a million dollars this month. Owen, with a weepy eye, was discovered to be harboring not only a barbed grass seed under his inside eyelid but a mild infection in both ears.

eye barb

I thought we might be going in for a couple eye drops and a condescending pat on the back and instead, walked out hours later with a grocery bag full of medications.

no big deal

It was a good thing I had my whole vacation to sacrifice because this required the administration of eye drops every single hour of the first day, and every two hours for the next four days, as well as two pills in the morning and two in the evening, ointment twice a day, ear wash every other day and ear drops every single day.

Still, I managed to fuck it up because one bottle of pills said "1-2 every 8-12 hours" and the other bottle said "1/2 every 8-12 hours" and being a total insensitive jerk was unable to distinguish between the two and for the first three days overdosed the poor dog on ramadyl until we were back in the vet office for an $96,000 follow-up appointment and I was like UM, DID YOU JUST SAY HALF?

I wore my hair shirt all weekend, and even though he suffered no ill effect I let him pick what we watch on the rare occasion I wander into the basement to watch TV.

animal planet
(tigers, tigers, tigers)

Willie cost me a few hundred thousand dollars more with her feline leukemia vaccine shot and to show her displeasure with the whole experience, including a conversation she overheard about her weight, peed in her carrier on the way home.

Of course I rushed her into the house wrapped in an old towel and bathed her, forgetting about the car. Just enough urine soaked into the seat and baked in the sun to make me feel queasy every time I start looking for my keys. Since my daily commute makes me want to hurl my lunch, her and I will be loosing weight together.


Yes, she is on a diet again and this time I am not going to back down. I already spent $18,000 for a fist-sized bag of Science Diet diet food and feed her with a portion cup. I think that makes us even.

remote hog
(tigers, tigers, tigers)

Inflation is killing me.


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