Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Home Sweet Home

Owen is nearly four months old and is now bigger then Willie, but nothing phases her. Here in this short movie, made at 7 o'clock this morning, they recreate a scene from our marriage on the days I am forced to get our of bed before noon.

Thank god that I am so friggin lovable.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Easter Sunday afternoon

I couldn't stay awake this afternoon and in futility lay where I fell near the heater dreaming of zombies. In a world where it just comes down to you and a few hold outs against an army of zombies there are no happy endings. Even if you set a boobie-trap and explode every single zombie there is nothing left to do but sit around playing cards on a pile of stinking zombie corpses. Even if you win you lose. There is nobody to run the coffee shops, ride city buses, or mow lawns. You can be a zombie or dance a lonely lonely victory dance surrounded forever by death and stink and lonliness and disease. And even when it starts snowing in the kitchen, in the kitchen!, even if the snow is so beautiful school wont be canceled because there is nobody to teach. I tried so hard to see where the snow was coming from and in the end all my looking efforts to see just woke me up, and I was still laying where I fell staring instead at the carpet, depressed.

So I went back to sleep.

Monday, March 17, 2008


Today is St. Patrick's Day and I didn't wear a stitch of green because I am grouchy and obstreperous, gearing up nicely for old age. JUST YOU COME AND TRY AND PINCH ME YOU CHEEKY BASTARDS. I am going to bed in a minute here, no green beers or kissing Irishmen even if one were here saying I have nice looking potatoes with his seductive Irish accent. I'm into Swedes these days.

The race yesterday went nicely because first of all it didn't rain but stayed awesomely overcast for the duration.

Second because even though I had to abandon the potty line when I was within a quarter-mile, not going to the bathroom never bothered me. Still, every single race I run until I die you will find me in a panic waiting to pee while the seconds tick down to the starting gun. If I happen to make it to the restroom in time I run back to the end of the line and start waiting in a new panic because I am sure I have to pee, again.

Third, my lungs were mostly clear and even when I did cough up some pearly junk it did not choke me, was discreet and did not land on the leg of any other runner, thick as we were.

Fourth, fifth and sixth: the freeken hills!, the finish line kick, and my chip time. I finished 15k (9.3 miles) in 1:18:48 = 8:27/mile (7.22 mph) which is faster then I need to run for my marathon goal this year. Theoretically I would need to pick up my skirts and keep running 16.9 more miles at the same pace after the finish line to hit my hopeful 3:45 marathon mark so it isn't time to take it easy just because yesterday went alright, but its a nice pat on the back.

Seventh and eighth: I finished 54/264 in my division, and 258/1218 in my gender. Generally finishing in the triple digits isn't really that impressive but being in the top 20-25 percentile isn't so bad. It is all how you math it.

I could do, if I wanted to, high kicks today with no muscular complaints except a faint sassy twang in my left hamstring but old bitches don't to high kicks. They go to bed early.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Ready, set, go...

I started running again on Sunday after I took a week off for being sick. My right lung feels clear, if a little tender, but I swear I have grown a membrane across the entire opening into my left lung as if to seal it up for the safe cultivation of tiny mucus pearls at each bronchial juncture. I can feel them and I can not dislodge them. I promise I would not even notice if it were not for the near perfect gas exchange transpiring in the right lung. It is the asymmetry thats killing me.

My heart rate seems higher then usual this week and I feel slower then normal except for those first joyful blocks of dreamy gazelle-like bounding before I settle myself into a pace. The Shamrock Run is on Sunday and I am not entirely sure I'll be ready. Underpreparedness is unlikely to stop me.

The last mile

Underpreparedness is how I live my life actually, in a constant state of near panic at my inability to become prepared. I dont even know what it means to be prepared and only once or twice in the last year did I actually catch a breeze in which it sublimely occurred to me there really was nothing I needed to be doing but exactly what I was doing. And I love this rare moment so much till it occurs to me that am still lousy at cultivating my Buddha seed because I planted it into the weed-infested garden bed that is my soul and maybe I should just chug round-up or light this stack of papers on fire and the moment is no longer being lived in and I am off and running again. Unprepared.

So will I let that stop me from running 15K in just a few days from now? Hell no.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Spring fever

Will cry for food
-.2 (point two) pounds

Last night, without any forethought, I walked into the bathroom, pulled my hair back into a ponytail then cut it off. I felt so totally uncorked I danced a little.

-7 inches

It was a devastating moment for Clark this morning and he sulked so I wore somber black for him and tried to not twirl my hair or flip it from side to side.

I might go shorter still but don't say anything.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Circle of life

I went through the car wash today! I love going through the car wash because it makes me feel like I am being swallowed and pooped out by a monster. I love going through the car wash for the same reason I love driving off the Sellwood Bridge and getting hit by trains and traveling with grizzly bears (ask me about Monday's feverish nap)... because besides sometimes thinking traffic might make me late, my life is relatively danger-free and it lulls me into forgetting that I AM GOING TO DIE and who wants to live in a traffic jam forever?

Because life is like traveling with a grizzly bear who is all sentient and fun and cuddles with your dog and then if that bear goes and tears open your chest cavity it would do so still without ever betraying its nature. There is nothing you can not love.

Anyway, my point is I might have written my first guest post! Yes, almost a year late (because threat of death doesn't seem to work) and yes, out of order. And no, I have not forgotten WHO BUTTERS MY BREAD and I think about WHO BUTTERS MY BREAD everyday and even menace myself with a hair-shirt but HOLY CRAP I SWEAR I AM DANCING AS FAST AS I CAN.

The post might, or might not be up in a day or two. Check and see.

Monday, March 03, 2008

Occams razor

I am so sick it is disgusting. I am so sick I started crying with my head in Clark's lap on Saturday night and all weekend shuffled around the house wheezing, sweating and covered with goosebumps. THERE WERE TEARS OF MISERY GLISTENING ON MY CHEEKS.

Even though I can actually see a germy residue on everything I touch today I went back to work mostly because I rarely even have to talk and am able to impose physical distance between me and my clients. My head is otherworldly and tracking has proven to be somewhat difficult (I shouldn't even be driving!) but luckily two of three of my jobs so far today have been no-shows.

I am sitting at the Fresh Pot on Mississippi Ave waiting out the next hour and half before I work again. I have a teapot, cough drops and wadded up tissue everywhere. It is gross, I know. I am in the window and it is actually raining inside. Yes. There is a pipe that runs along the inside of the twelve foot window frame and it is dripping water and the water drips are splashing onto the nine foot window frame and then sprinkling down on me like mist. At first when it happened I thought I my arm had fallen asleep because it felt like tiny prickles, then it started on my other arm too and I was like OMG I am having a stroke/germ-induced tactile hallucination!

Outside the window it hasn't rained for over an hour so it can't be a leak IT CAN ONLY MEAN MY EMINENT DEMISE till I noticed tiny droplets of water on my keyboard and on the counter around me and finally the dripping pipe in the corner.

Ugh, I need to go track down more tissue.


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