Tuesday, October 09, 2007
My legs are a little stiff. Not running for two and a half months seems to have rather unprepared me for the physical exertion of a full marathon. I am ice massaging knots in my legs, big boulders of wounded and resentful muscle. I brought home flowers for my legs and wrote them poems about love. On the upside my ankle seems only slightly puffy. In a week or so I should be able to start running more reasonable recovery distances like a mile or two and then farther and farther and dammit FARTHER. Soon.
I still miss Edison like crazy. Its funny, one day after about three weeks of grieving I woke up and felt like myself and concurrent with that feeling it seemed like he went from Present to Past and that meant he was Gone Forever. I have a little memorial table next to my computer: his ashes, paw print, the bow tie he wore at my wedding and his leash and his heart shaped biscuits and a few candles and a lot of pictures and they were there to keep him here now they are here to remind me that he was here. During those three weeks I was so terrified to let him go into the past, to have him be something that Was but MY GOD that is the most futile struggle. Isn't it?
Recently everything has been reconfigured in my mind like from above I can see all the angles, how the light split in a way that confused me from below, or even worse in a way that I never considered should be curious to me.
And I get it! these roles we play in each others lives as adults, as children and as children who have assumed the roles of adults. Most significantly I feel the steady march of life, the inevitability of life moving toward death, always, and they say toward life again. I get smaller every day and life just gets bigger and bigger.
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