Friday, July 13, 2007

Friday the 13th

I went to pick up the marriage license today and as I pushed through the double doors into the bright heat of the day, envelope in hand, I remembered it was Friday the 13th.

I try to not read into things. The divine angle of the sun through a drop of rain does not hold great import. It is just very, very pretty. Finding meaning in every petal drop, in some way used to make me feel like I can face the crushing weight of infinite potential and that maybe the roar of the wind is not so scary to charge into. I can't remember when I gave up trying to pick my way INTO THAT STORM on the spiderfine thread of an omen. Maybe because it never happened in one day.

Maybe its because I am lying. I am not a particularly brave person. I never let go, but lighten my touch by degrees. There is a stunning quality of balance one can attain by merely touching someone enough to feel their body heat. Its how I learned to ride a bike. Not by finally letting go but believing I still held on, if only by the halflife of a touch.

I read into things. I was arrested in high school on a Friday the 13th for trying to steal a bottle of wine with my friends when I was drunk. They put me in a jail cell and I did headstands waiting for my mother to come pick me up. But it was three weeks after my 18th birthday and they never called her. And she never came. I sat in jail all weekend, crying. Thats not true. I kicked everyones ass at rummy too. DONT COME BACK they said.

I was fined $46, plus $97 for court fees. The marriage license only cost me $60. Not even accounting for inflation its a much better deal. I GOT THE MARRIAGE LICENSE ON FRIDAY THE 13TH and he laughed. COME WHAT MAY...

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