Friday, June 08, 2007

Goodbyes

Today I took my last exam ever for the interpreting program. Inside me nothing banged, nothing even whimpered. I just walked away.



I took this picture with my phone to commemorate the moment once it occurred to me there was a moment to commemorate. As I drove away a slow feeling of elation rose in me moment by moment and drifted away like cottonwood.

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For the last week I have been giving Willie the silent treatment, cursing, scrubbing the urine soaked carpet on my hands and knees. I swivel my chair to block her and avoid eye contact when I sit at the computer because her favorite place to be is on my lap. She does this when we go out of town, pees on a pile of dirt she digs out of the dracaena. The smell tortures me, the ghost of the smell rattles chains.

Just now while I was writing this Clark came in and asked WHAT IS WITH THE BIRD? I turned to find a small bird laid at my feet, quite dead.



A spook passes through me till it occurs to me quite surely, that this is Willies atonement. I say so. SHES SORRY CAUSE SHE KNOW I HAVE BEEN MAD AT HER. She has only ever left one mouse on the step. She knows I am serious.



Clark just nods. I eye him for a minute trying to decide whats inside. If he is rolling his eyes, if he is going to be magnanimously indulgent. He seems to respect my judgement. His daughter and I, we hold a small funeral under the fern.



Even Willie comes to pay her respects. Maybe now I am laying it on. She thinks probably I am wasting a pretty good snack. Pearls before swine.

As I write this the house is bustling with the packing of bags. I shouldnt even be on the computer. The engine is idling. We are going out of town again for the weekend. I guess we'll see if she really means it.

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