Wednesday, April 18, 2007

I wish...



I am trying all night to find the perfect wording for this wedding invitation, and I hate it. I feel taut like a compass, like, will this matter in two years (no...)(...yes) because I still regret my yearbook write up from my senior year which I didn't even write but I never bothered to have changed till it was forevered in ink. Yes, tammit it bothers me still.

And the only things you can say suck. I cant stand the word joy when it is on a wedding invitation. Or the words forever, beginnings, lifetime, honor or hearts making the task of inviting anyone henceforth totally impossible barring bold print proclaiming HOLY SHIT THEY ARE ACTUALLY GONNA GO THROUGH WITH IT!

At one point I found something I felt I might like to see letter pressed on paper, a quote by Lao Tzu...

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

In absence the great burden I turned to Clark who kinda looked at me HUH, said THATS KINDA NEGATIVE ISNT IT to which I flew into a rage (yes) and gestured wildly about the languages we speak and made like a boat passing in the night perhaps dashing itself in the great barrier reefs of humanity, oh the endlessness of self interest. After all, trust me it takes courage to love me.

A WHOLE LOT.

And he went to bed saying (again) my extremism is frightening.

A WHOLE HELL OF A LOT.

Still then the invitation is all in my body language which you cant print on paper but if you could it would look like this WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME SEE ME GET MARRIED IF YOU COULD *SHRUG NO BIG DEAL *SHRUG MAYBE I WILL GET SWOOPED UPON BY EAGLES *KICK DIRT FLOWN AWAY AT THE LAST MINUTE BUT WHO KNOWS, I MIGHT SURVIVE LONG ENOUGH TO SAY I DO AFTER ALL...

I am still looking for the right words or some preformat I can personalize but every keyword search I run takes me farther and farther away.

And there are plenty of thrilling sentiments out there still...

Spinning like a ghost
on the bottom of a
top,
I'm haunted by all
the space that I
will live without
you.

-Richard Brautigan

...but I cant put that on a wedding invitation can I?

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