Thursday, February 22, 2007

"The Public"

The restaurant (bar and grill?) where I work was recently featured on the front cover of a local magazine (please, lets not all go in and tell them about my crappymanager post). The management decided to carpe diem the publicity and up the profile of the bar. We had a staff meeting, a compliment sandwich and orders to dress in all black. The waitress pool was later assessed by sending in secret shoppers to evaluate and grade our service. Huzzah! Last week we received a 12 page typed report on the quality of the P------ experience.

We scored an overall 84%. The two consistent failures were not addressing customers by name and not inviting people to come back. Additionally there were rumblings over a slightly tardy 'satisfaction check' coming in once at three minutes, once at four minutes and once at (gasp) six minutes. Most egregious though, thanking them for coming in is not enough for A-list front cover-making scenes. Again and again the mystery guest reports "I was not invited to return."

No buddy, from the bottom of my heart, you weren't. And mind you, I will never, ever read someones name off their credit card (the shoppers suggested method of getting to know your customer) and I will never holler YA'LL COME ON BACK AND SEE ME SOMETIME as my customers walk out the door. Actually, if things work out I wont ever serve a table again and will just run around town leaving 30% tips like a secret shopper angel.

But in reality, while Clark thinks maybe I can quit cocktailing I know that two of my three jobs are going to dry up mid-June (can I say that?) and the only place I will be in demand will be for to serve nachos and Guinness as the tourists and Gresham yay-hoos roll in on the Max for the waterfront festival season.

I wonder how much this report cost. Some of the quality observations included:
-Beth promoted the happy hour menu with a suggestion that the quesadilla was good
-She made a check on satisfaction four minutes after service, "you doin' okay?"
-She missed an opportunity to address me by name (from the credit card)
-There was pop/rock music playing at a lively yet comfortable volume
-My beer had 1/6 remaining when Crystal asked me if I would like another. (No.)
-The jalapeƱo wrap sticks were pleasantly positioned around a ramekin of Panko sauce.

I shouldn't have gone to school when I coulda make a living just being a twit.

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