Sunday, December 10, 2006

Stress Management Skills

I only have one more paper, due Monday at noon, and otherwise the internship is complete. I interpreted for my last class on Thursday and by Saturday it became clear that a complete meltdown had been held at bay by will and white knuckles.

I thought at this point I would feel elated but I feel weak and stupid and aged.

All my pretenses are gone. I am mortal and filthy dirty. I eat food that has dropped on the floor, have calloused feet, do not like the taste of waking up in the morning. I am a voodoo doll made out of ear wax and fingernails and oily hair stuck full of pins. I am so fucking sensitive I feel schizophrenic.

Naturally I turned to the internet to get a better idea of what the hell is wrong with me. After taking a number of online Life Events Stress Tests and consistently scoring off the charts (bonus points for Christmas) I decided maybe I should just sleep through the next few weeks.

300 and over - High susceptibility to stress-related illness.
Your score = 642
You may need help.

Your score indicates that you have experienced very high to extremely high levels of stress in the past twelve months.

If this score is an accurate representation of your life experiences, we strongly urge you to seek professional advice about your ability to cope with any future stress challenges.

Please take care of yourself physically, mentally and emotionally until you seek professional advice about your current stress levels and your ability to cope with future stress.

I am a total nutjob. How much more official can you get?

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