Sunday, October 22, 2006

Alone Again Or

I should be asleep. Should have been asleep at least an hour ago but a dreamiest of dreams to lay here with internet in the bed and read and write and listen to Stars which has all come true would keep me from that deep deep sleep.

I have two half-laptops... that is to say, my computer problems go on and on. Sascha loaned me one and my mother brought the other from Nevada. Fine lot of kindness for which all I am able to produce the required volumes of documentation for my intership, and lay in bed blogging. Where one is broke the other is whole. Mostly.

And I am living the dream.

My mother met my future in-laws tonight which was more or less the point of her trip. I just let these things go you know, like these people are adults and have managed thus far to not kill me by having a conversation... and they have all managed to stay alive for sixty odd years so perhaps they can have a conversation and I wont need to moniter every word cause I am going to marry this man anyway. Maybe even if things go horribly wrong.

So I let it go and drifted away from the conversation when I heard my mother start in with ...THIS CORPORATE FASCIST REGIME... shortly before my mother-in-law had looked at me and asked sotto voce IT IS SAFE TO TALK ABOUT POLITICS RIGHT? and winked at me and I just let go and nodded because it is after all, safe to talk about politics. Mostly.

They are adults.

I still blog privately. I know other people who say BLOG! freely and openly but I never say back BLOG! or even BLOG? because I can't do that... (unless you know me first by blog then why deny that I blog?) But tonight my mother asked the in-laws if they ever saw the pictures of my pinned wrist ON MY BLOG and I tried to kick her under the table but there was no table and I was across the room so this maneuver would have been less then subtle so I covered the word by quickly saying another word and everyone let it slip whilst I concentrated on mental waves of discipline in my mothers direction.

What sort of ettiquette should be observed around blogging. What awful things have I said here? Plenty. Most of it I cleaned up before I ever got my first comment. Besides that I dont much care for any of it anyway. Its embarassing. It is indulgent. Ugh.

The more and more real this exchange becomes the more dismayed I become. Or confused I guess. NO, dismayed. Like, what if someone mentioned they had a blog and told me the URL and then I didnt say anything back about my own BLOG but I went to their blog reading it, and even observing some privatey type stuff? I'd feel like a cheater and a creep because I didnt say a thing. And what of stats? Where everyone knows you read them and stalk them and how long you stalk them for in the middle of the night even if you never post comments. Isnt that inherently creepy? That I can be stalked while stalking? I dont know.

I should have been asleep a few hours ago. I think I will sleep well.


You know that I could be in love with almost everyone

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