Sunday, June 04, 2006

Animal Life Part 2

Generally I am not a head basher. While I have been known to butt heads (as recently as Friday) I do not tend to pick up rocks and hurt people on the head with them. I am not very good at it. I am left feeling weak and unhappy.

I got down and started pounding on Molly's head first with my fist which accomplished nothing like letting go but left me bruised, puffy and sore on the hand, the one just out of the cast no less. Then I ran and got a softball sized rock and started pounding on her head. Me, thrashing down there in the grass and dog spittle and screams on an animal that did not even flinch.

Could you hurt a face like that?

Mollys family lives a half a block away. The stupid son who is in his mid 20's or something came running and did nothing at all. What was he doing?? Looking back it seems he was waiving off flies. I ran and got the hose and hosed the useless son and the two dogs while more people came running and Molly finally let go only because she torn clean through the cartilage in Edisons ear.

I thought he was being killed before my eyes so I was fierce and cursed like a demon and a warrior. It was awful. It was really awful. Fearsome and alarming. During all this I had no idea how bad or notbad things were. I only knew the trashing and the cries. Still, I was a lousy rockbearer and feeble headbasher.

It was like there were two entirely different things happening: my desire to rid Edison of her hurtfulness and my desire to not hurt her. And I am mad at myself for holding back and I never want to touch a rock again... in that manner. I have never been able to back it up. I am tired and conflicted with jagged emotions, sick and sorry.

Molly went after Edison again because the son was hardly holding her and she tore out of his grasp. Edison was in the back yard freaked out and bleeding. He fought her off again but she only needs once to lock her pitbull jaws. Before she managed to do that again we separated them.

Maybe you remember Molly. Last summer she tore Edisons other ear. Her family paid the bill, were contrite and sorry. They promised it would never happen again.

July 2005

Tonight the motherwifelady answered the door when we both, Clark and I went calling. She wept and promised to pay the bill, estimated to be nearly $700. She was heartbroken and it was another shard of feeling. I am that Tarot card of the guy who lies around jabbed through with sharp sticks. Its okay. I am reporting it this time and told her, and told her my name, and SORRY THAT WE HAVE TO MEET UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES. And I am.

Edison will be home in the morning with stitches and a funny collar. Please, in lieu of flowers send biscuits.

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