Saturday, December 31, 2005

I take all the wrong things way too seriously

I lay in bed searching the bare winter branches outside my window for faces. And in the cracks on the ceiling I see them. Contemplative, and without resolution I lay there, sweat beading tiny on my chest.

It must be vacation has gone on too long. That always was my problem. And I do the things that make me feel sick, little betrayals like how I spend money, or don't return phone calls, or start solving puzzles when something is pressing and big and meanly important. Sometimes the piling up of tiny sins crushes me. I want to confess them, and think maybe I should convert to Catholicism because they have nice little booths just for that, and I can say Hail Mary and walk light and springy... not lay here searching in dead branches for an expression of judgment, or kindness.

So here we are on the brink of a whole new year. Easy to dismiss as just another day, just as easy to feel short of breath and vertiginous. Sometimes I can actually feel the centrifugal force of the earth hurling me forth, the blood rushing to my head.

This year I:

-kissed only one boy, blissfully
-moved in, and liked it
-was killed by a bear (just a little black bear)
-cried at one wedding
-got zero speeding tickets and missed zero speeding ticket court dates
-flew off the handle at least three times
-was a jerk twice
-was nominated for and won HOTTEST BLOGGER and had creepy Sci-Fi erotica written about me
-was nominated for and lost Foot Model Contest
-ran 833.57 miles in three pairs of running shoes(more then three hundred miles short of my goal which I set without accounting for 18 credit terms, vacation, family or holidays)
-ran one marathon, two half-marathons and one ten mile race, setting PRs in each
-ran a 10k with my baby in hotheat, finishing side by side
-killed two fish and one frog
-attended one writers conference, was not discovered
-drove 1350 miles for the holidays
-nearly died from heat exhaustion in Eastern Oregon
-rode a scant three century rides (sorry dad)
-bit off and chewed 48 school credits
-boarded two planes, two boats, touched six states, camped, hoteled and couched.
-met one real life blogger

(does that cover it?? Hardly, but friends are arriving...)

But tonight!! I shall redeem myself of all small evils. Tonight the fruition of my goodness... have plotted a love affair between two wonderful people who have never met each other till tonight. They will come here, eat my bruschetta, drink my champagne and fall wonderfully in love for the rest of their lives. Shhh...

(am light and springy!)

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