Sometimes endurance sports get really primal and grunty and you search your lizard brain for a reason why. WHYWHYWHYWHY!
Inbetween just feel like I have too much time on my hands and am wasting it with gratuitous guilt and anxiety. It has stayed cool and temperate, nonthreatening here under white pearly clouds... for months now. It affects the psychology of SUMMER. This is not the kind of summer you'd write a pop song about.
I haven't called anybody for, like, a year. I found out last night that my friends are getting divorced, been hospitalized, have moved, everything changes. I feel so left out and useless. I was supposed to be there. My memories feel loose and flimsy like gauzy curtains. I am breezy and insubstantial. You could probably put your hand right through me.
Last night I dreamed I had a robot friend/bodyguard, I was kidnapped cause I must have been veryimportant and we were being kept in a house, under a forcefield by the seashore. We had little robot friends who became robot houseflies so as to enter the forcefield... I mean, who suspects a housefly? It was very Rocky and Fumble, very Hernandez.
Tomorrow morning at 5am I am flying to Nevada. It will be hot. I hope it is hot enough that I will get pop songs stuck in my head. My mother ran to the store yesterday to stock up on wasabi peas so it promises to be a good visit.
Yesterday I hacked weeds and blackberries. Another one of my dahlias has come up. I had long ago given them up for microbe food but one by one they have broken the surface.
safe from marauders
Out back behind the shed I found buried dog toys. If Edison gets something too good he gets nervous, doesn't want you to have it, might lose it, must bury it.. I found a beaver hand-puppet back there half buried in pine needles. It was a joyous reunion.
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