Thursday, July 07, 2005

I Am An Awful Terrible Person, Part 852

You know, I don't like slugs. I dislike slugs a lot. I am actually terrified of slugs and they make me want to cry. I have cried. Do cry.

Tonight I came home from the night I didn't want it to be and was not too happy cause I wanted to have the fun I didn't have and the path not taken and other summer breezy things that come wafting into short-sleeved conversation. I was standing on the back porch and I looked down to see two medium/large (Oregon sizes) slugs cannibalizing the corpse of their friend or lover, one taken by the heat.

Born wicked and steely, I grabbed the salt shaker and doused them. They writhed every which way in agonizing pain, elongated, withdrew, stretched to the skies with their skinny antennae, looked to all the horizons for some sense of WHAT? WHY?

I feel sick. I can't believe I just did that. I wonder if you can perform emergency services on a slug. I mean, I wouldn't do it... give a slug CPR... but I wonder if there is a point-of-no-return, like if I salted a slug but had a can of water close by. Can you undo a lethal salting?

Could I have salted them, gotten the rot outta me and still saved them?




I am such a jerk.

I salted a slug once before. One time. It was a different kind of slug and it bubbled yellow. It was on the wall in the shower and slid all the way down to the tub. Probably screaming. I was 10 years old at the time.

At that time, age 10, we lived in the crappiest house in the richest town in the whole damn state. Unofficially. The bathroom floor was secretly rotted out (plus it had no door) and the slugs snuck into the bathroom and scared the soul out of me. I think that explains everything that has gone wrong since.

Long story... short story... I moved up in the world. I have a boyfriend who can lay linoleum now. Am still soulless... but of all the rotten things that it makes me capable of, I have never (despite my deepest hatred of slugs) been able to salt another one since then. Till now.

I really feel horrible. Can you see all the grains of the salt storm?

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