Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Love, Anonymous

Last night on the job! Nothing to report.

I should say, now that I am quit and can’t be caught, now that I can say so and safely stay an internet chimera, that recently a guy who writes a Portland blog that I read fairly regularly came into my restaurant for To-Go food and I swear to God I started sweating. I DON'T WANT IT TO BE REAL.

(I know him cause he posts pictures of himself, and even though I leave comments I don’t think he has ever read Deconstructionist (thanks a lot bucky). Anyway, even though I have been shunned I kinda secretly think I really wanna hang out with his incrowd. They're so esoteric. THEY'RE SO GODDAMN COOL.)

But I never really intended for this to be about real people, as in, my world got exponentially smaller one afternoon when I got buzzed on Yahoo messenger and I had to be reactive and dynamic and but it was like wearing psychic tight pants cause it challenged all my assertions about the internet, and made me uncomfortable with my relationship to IT.


I can’t let go of the fantasy. I mean, I have...er... I thought I had almost complete control over my readers’ access to me. It’s not well organized, mind you. I am not, nor have ever been a mastermind. But it’s the concept.

I get hung up on abstractions to a ridiculous degree and I am ridiculously easy to scare.


ANYWAY, things as they have been lately, what I have done and what I am doing…

-Cleaned my keyboard which was TOTALLY DISGUSTING and involved removing every single key and scrubbing out crumbs from as far back as 1999, and coffee and jelly and beer and wine and unknown clingy, gelatinous, glutinous, mucilaginous, pasty, resinous, sticky, tenacious, viscous, waxy, clammy, gooey, gummy, globby, gloppy, gluey, gooky, goopy, gunky, ropy, slimy, stiff, syrupy, tenacious hairy stuff that would shock and amaze you.

-Have taken to running twice a day sometimes if I can, in order to get my miles in. Not having a moment of free time, I find myself resorting to all kind of schedule contortions. Anyway my new neighborhood is less urban and has winding streets without sidewalks and lots of dead ends and trees and potholes and LOTS and LOTs of steep little hills that I love charging up like a g-damn rhino, though, maybe a wee bit more graceful. I have noticed lately that my heart rate(HR) for the same perceived rate of exertion (PRE) is slipping down to 129, 128 beats per minute. Which is a good thing but means that I have to work harder but its easier, and well... Yeah. Make sense?

-Got a birthday package two days early and was forced to promise I wouldn’t open them till my birthday... So I didn’t, really, open them...

loose tape

-Fantasized about baking cookies, was easily discouraged. Bought cookies instead, brought them to class and gave everyone Valentines with fake tattoos and was late for class for the first time this term. But I have a perfect record of getting my homework in on time. Yo.

-Dried a boatload of bananas

-Removed all the icky-sticky paper from the apartment kitchen wall that has been there for monthsandmonths since I came home after a rockstar drunk night out and ripped the wallpaper border off the wall in huge sheets cause it was ugly.

-Got studly and bold in the hardware department and got plastic wood and a little scraper thing and screws and repaired my own cupboard door all by myself.

-Copped a real attitude with the guy in the paint department but he started it, all slurky and shifty and acting like a teenager being dragged out of his room.

-Nearly died of depression in traffic with a to-do list on my lap, dirty windshield, evening sun in my eyes. I spent that afternoon watching old people drool and try to move painfully, painfully aware that I’m zooming in on my 254th birthday and inevitable mortality. Ouch

-Was revived by truffles arrived by mail, in the nick of time.

-Got up at 6am, went to class alldamnday, ran two miles on the track, changed into work clothes at the school gym, drove the entire Terwilliger Curves with my right knee all the way over the Marquam bridge and up I-84 to the 33rd street exit without using my hands except to shift gears or flick the turn signal. I just know I wont be dying in a car till the age of 34.

-I hate cars and I hate driving.

Ugly work pants, licensed driving knee

-Got off work at 10pm and called it a day. My feet hurt. Am officially unemployed. Got potted flowers for Valentines day. Got an stoopit 88% on my Linguistics final.

Think its all too much sometimes. Ugh.

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