Sunday, October 31, 2004

Daylight Savings

Its been like I like it to be, cozy and angry and promising, like upheaval, like there is a roof on the globe I live in, like the whole fucking world is alive.


The other day.

Except today. Today was perfect blue like riding with the top down and a bright red scarf, squinting. I got up at 5am, or was it 6am? or was it 7am? Some of my clocks set themselves automatically, some didn't. My phone should have set itself but since I set the phone alarm the night before, it didn't. And at 5am I couldn't for the life of me tease any sense out of the concept of time. It was 6am, then it was 5am again, then it was 6am and I had to get up and go. RACE DAY.


This day today.

The first race I ever ran was the First Annual Run Like Hell last October. I ran the half marathon and finished in 2:07 though I had never ran more then 6.5 miles two days before the race, and before that only 4 miles ever at one time. So I just had to run again this year and I had to get downtown early but at 5am I didn't know what time it was or which way to move my clocks cause I wasn't sure which clocks knew better and already moved themselves, and which didn't.

I got to registration early and spent the chilly bright blue hour and a half walking circles through Pioneer Square and going pee e.v.e.r.y. t.i.m.e. I passed the port-a-potties. I have a real problem with race-day bladder.

I decided yesterday to run the 5k instead of the whole half marathon cause I just haven't been running enough since the marathon to run 13 miles like I wanna run 13 miles... or maybe I decided on the 5k cause it was raining to float an ARC these last few days.

So I ran the 5k and finished 25:46, 3/53 in my age group, 8:18/mile pace. I am pretty pleased with that cause I felt like I was running like an asthmatic pigeon-toed retard but I guess that is totally subjective.


Wednesday, October 27, 2004

If I could tell you all the things I can't tell you.....

My day went something like this...




After only four hours of sleep,
I got up at 5:20am,
ran a few miles,
attended seven hours of class,
gave two videotaped presentation/tests on various subjects in sign language,
took a third written exam,
left school just in time for milesandmilesandmiles of rush hour,
picked up Willie from the vet,
took her newly-spayed ass home,
changed clothes,
and ran out the door a half an hour later for a bartending shift...
which I was relieved to be relieved from early and just now walked in the door...
midnight.




Not to mention that I have had a house guest for six days who made coffee for me early in the morning but who had to be untangled from my bedding and my life and my stuff before setting back on their own road. Not after bringing me their burdens and..., and the worlds biggest secret that I am delighted to have, like this non-breeding-anymore cat in my lap I can pet it and own it and dangle things in front of it but I cant share it with anyone.

So be it.

Everyone think I am dead, or mad at them and those are all very time consuming corrections.




I force fed Willie feline pain killers and for once she is docile and cat like in my lap, heating pad-ish. Her shaved little belly is pink and black in the same ways her hair that is not there right now is white and black. Cuteness.




Last week Emmy and I ate habaneros and drank mango juice and cried big alligator tears. Crossing it off the list I realized I am just that much closer to dying.

Besides all that I am having severe election anxiety, cycling rapidly through the stages of grief and acceptance.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Cuteness


ass shaker

The Old 97's are fucking great! Rhett Miller is unbearably and mesmerizingly adorable. I couldn't take my eyes off him and his wicked charmingness. It was a hugely satisfying show, though there were a few songs I would have liked to hear.


eeek

I just finished reading Carent De Voyage, a new comic book by Craig Thompson and MAN I LOVE HIM TOO. He is so great! Plus he is a Portlander and presumably likes sentimental weather like I do.

In the meantime, I am reading bundles of linguistic theory and don't have time for anyone or anything and feel like my material and personal connection with the world around me is growing into a yawning chasm of simplicity and single mindedness.

I want to go with it...shove it all out the door. All the stuff like how I am going to become a bike mechanic and fill my apartment with abundantly happy houseplants, organize my shoes, back up my files in a meaningful systematic way, set up my easel and paint again, draw naked people, meditate, create photo emulsion collages, return phone calls... you know, all the things you want to do and never get around to doing... I think I have a wee bit of momentum right now to go with, shove it all into a garbage bag and drop it off at Goodwill. Delete all those phone numbers from my phone of the people I'm not even sure if I really like anyway.


comic book chewer

Anyway, with what little time I had this weekend I read comic books and colored my cat Willie with highlighter pens after she chewed the corner of my Tintin comic.

Sunday, October 17, 2004

Around The World

My friend Piyada flew back to Thailand today and so today is mopey and goodbye-like and typically I want to be left very, very alone. I dont want any company and I dont want to answer my phone. I want to watch airplanes in the sky tonight through my window, laying on the kitchen floor.

I seem to be having a problem commenting on other peoples blogs, my computer just wont let me. I want to say stuff, notably to Bicyclemark and xtx but I just gotta say it here.

So um, no... I am not studying to be a brain surgeon but a ASL (American Sign Language) Interpreter. But you know, most of the time I act quite knowledgable on topics I know nothing about so you can ask me anything you want to know about brain surgery. Go ahead. Really.

The anatomy cards on the other hand were just something I had to have cause they tickle my fancy. They probably make me look all medicalstudent-y huh?


Soleus - ankle jerk reflex

XTX! You'll be glad to know that I going to the Old 97's on Monday night.

And now I am late for work.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Metalanguage

Man, I have spent so many hours reading about cross-language equivalence and discourse genre, , lexical cohesion, acculturation...

I dont have a moment to spare.


bleep

I swear that my language centers are gonna overload. I am beginning, upon close examination, to realize that I might forget how to speak all together if I really grasp how complex the process is. Plus, English is so fucking idiomatic that interpreting seems like an impossible feat.

Its a good thing that I am left-handed/right-brained, I am so gestalt I kill me.

Monday, October 11, 2004

Once Upon a Monday Night

I got explosive tire syndrome hugging the curb last night, and black fingers syndrome on my knees hurting from the asphalt syndrome till my new friend Louis pulled up and took over the job of spare-tiring me. I can change a tire, believe me, can I ever change a tire, but I have nothing to prove. Double believe me.


Bam!


lend me your Palmar Interossei . fine movements of the digits.

In the interest of World Domination or at least a mini-booster I am taking this SELF HYPNOSIS class with Sam for a month of Mondays. Its not as neato as I would have thought, and tends to run more towards that yippie vein of saying nice things in your head over and over till you believe them. I prefer intrigue, and creeps with turbans and electric spirals for eyes but few things have ever lived up to the promises made in the back of comic books.






Hypno-cat

Auricularis Anterior, Superior, and Posterior


hed . non-functional in mankind.




That cat is sharpening her claws on my furniture. Plus she launches off the floor to unknowable heights, trying to reach my arms when I am standing, by landing midway up my leg and climbing the rest of the way.

Friends hellbent on being sad, or certain that moving far away is the best possible solution.

Family making me feel murderous and intentionally cruel. That is why it is best I live more then an hour drive away from the ones I so loved cause my throwing arm is weak, and I can't seem to run furiously for more then 26 miles, after which I am significantly ebbed. I should have been orphaned a long long time ago.

Otherwise, all is gad-damned grand. That I have run only twice in three and a half weeks... that I was saving my knee for the marathon, then recovering from that marathon... does not help. I am emotionally spineless... caught between posting topless pictures of myself on the internet and removing all known reference to my whereabouts and existence. I can't seem to figure out which extreme makes me more comfortable.

And something aesthetically satisfying is eluding me...like why is it that I like orange scarves and green jackets.
Will something please please me in that fashion till the weather is cold enough? Please?

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Is this considered shoplifting?


funny, like haha funny

I remember this photographer cause he was up where my normal route overlaps with the marathon course. In front of me were two women with huge BUSH '04 stickers on their backs and I was flipping them off for the camera but they aren't even in the picture and he wants 10 MILLION DOLLARS for five wallet-sized photos.... you aren't even allowed to view anything bigger then a thumbnail to see if you have a stupid expression on your face before you commit to purchase.

I can be so immature.

------------------------------


Orbicularis Oculi

At the school bookstore today I bought a set of anatomy study cards for the human skeletal muscles, then spent the day punching holes in papers and reading at length about human cultures till the miracle of communication seemed all but mythical. I just cant believe it happens.

Intercultural communication specifically is extraordinarily fascinating, and impossibly complex. Or maybe things just begin to seem fatally delicate when you look at them too closely.

When it seems like war is all but inevitable between the worlds cultures I will put the books down and make greeting cards from the pieces of my body.

---------------------------

Anyway, in the great Stray Kitten Shake Down of 2004 I ended up with the little black and white female and my neighbor ended up evicted (not my doing). I named her Willie.


Wee Willie

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

The 2004 Portland Marathon

Pain and pain, singing every song I know till the only song left in the entire history of rock and roll is that Allman Brothers song which, who knew? has only one line OH LORD I FEEL LIKE I'M DYING, and a guitar riff.

My knee began hurting almost immediately, just after the one mile mark. I bargained with god, all of them, but I cant quite remember what promises I made... I just kept running though. Around mile 8 or 9 it stopped hurting me, or I stopped noticing, and I managed to finish out the marathon. I just cant believe I held out. My finishing time was 4:48:51, or 11:01/mile and I cant say I am not traumatically disappointed.

I mean, I am really glad to have completed it, and yeahyeahyeah, I am grateful that I have legs that work cause there are starving kids in China and all that... but in the last couple days I have to admit that I am just not very proud of my performance no matter how peppy-talky I get with myself.

So yeah... I got to cross the finish line despite all my meditation on positive imagery mutating into mental images of my knee falling off. I really, really didn't think I would make it. And I did, and my friends were there to meet me, and I cried, and then Kate cried and gave me flowers and I got a medal and a t-shirt and, eventually a big bad chip on my shoulder about the whole event plus a set of DEAD LEGS to beat all hell. I still cant walk. All those little bones in the feet and muscle fibers, brutally abused.

So maybe its best that yesterdays entry got zapped. Maybe it wasn't quite accurate anyway, even if it was the best piece of expository writing on the marathon experience in the history of the world. I am totally humbled and have learned a lot and am really looking forward to going out for a long, long run with no training pressure and no pedometer and no time clock.

And am looking forward to focusing everything I learned this year into next years marathon, including putting to rest the infantile notions that prevent me from acknowledging when its time to quit.

But I will tell you what, that marathon running, that is one hell of a work out.

Even the luckiest person on Earth sometimes has a stroke of bad luck...

Oh man oh man oh man... I can't believe I just lost an hour of writing about the marathon in one keystroke. There is a string of curse words working their way to the surface of my brain that I can't acknowledge yet, I dont think they have even been invented yet. Eyes like saucers.

Somehow I meant to hit Shift+A but instead I hit Crtl+A which everyone knows highlights the entire selection, in this case my ONE HOUR OF WRITING ABOUT THE MARATHON and the next key stroke essentially replaced the whole thing with the letter 'n'. I actually feel sick to my stomach. Consider too that I havent hardly written anything of worth in monthsandmonthsandmonths and its way past my bedtime cause I have to be up for school in five hours.


What else do you need to know?


mr. medal

Sunday, October 03, 2004

Casualties


Blistah!

It starts underneath my foot. It was like running on a waterbed. I was getting seasick out there on the waves of the blister tides, could feel swoosh-swoosh-swoosh back and forth... till the blister expanded out into new territory up between my toes into the new world of my upper foot.



Blister

I have been making everybody look at it. Am waiting to pop it till I can show it to Sam tomorrow.

Saturday, October 02, 2004

Ten Dollar Word

Well, she blew...



More like a cough really.

Far enough away surely that there is no danger of developing pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis from sustained aerobic activity... I hope.

In about 24 hours I should be closing in on the finish line. I picked up my race packet yesterday and am a little disappionted that it is just full of coupons. Nothing fun. I should have kept track of all the stuff I got in race/ride packets over the summer. From Memory...

-lots of safety pins and zip ties
-T-shirts
-gym bag
-scarf-erchief with the century ride profile on it!
-three water bottles
-Livestrong braclet
-STP warm up jacket
-stickers
-pain killers
-skin lubricant
-raffle tickets (and I won a cycling jersey!)
-meal coupons
-sunblock
-candy
-carb gel
-energy bars
-catalogues
-blister skin
-magazines

Apparently the organizers of the marathon believe that you should have to finish the marathon before you get the good stuff. Fine then.

--------

And, um, a note of interest. I just figured this out by accident. If you hold down the Ctrl key and hit the - or + button you can zoom in and out on the browser page. Super cool!

Friday, October 01, 2004

Pow!

I have this big mountain in my back yard, well, three mountains actually, but this one mountain has been shaking like all get out, like almost 5000 earthquakes in the last week... these days about 4 or 5 an hour...

And I know what you thinking, and yes, I have a slight inclination for hyperbole...but not this time

They are saying a 70% chance of eruption.

It happened once before and they say there was rock found 400 miles away in Montana.


(someone else's family album)


I was stuck in traffic in New York at the time, late, just like I have been late ever since.


Pow...

I just need 48 more hours then she can blow all the steam she wants....


48 hours till the Marathon.

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