Monday, July 26, 2004

My Pastures Are So Fucking Green

Degrees
 


I went to the Sandy river.  I died in the heat, encouraged every second of death cause resurrection in the river makes me a religious icon. 

Discomfort at this point becomes erotic.  I am a panting, sweating pornstar.  I want it to be hotter, meaner, nastier heat because the river promises me everything. 

Sam calls me.  I WANT TO RIDE A FERRIS WHEEL.  COME GET ME.  We march to the ticket booth like spiritual pilgrims. 

YES I WANT TO BE A BETTER PERSON
YES I ACCEPT THAT MY PATH TAKES MANY TWISTS AND TURNS
YES I HAVE SIX QUARTERS
NO I WILL NOT SPIT WHEN I GET TO THE TOP

We rode four times in the setting sun. 

dink 
 
prink


 
...and then the years crowded in.  for hours I told you what happened while you were gone, and I still don't believe I let you leave...  and you said THE WHOLE STORY??...YOU HAVEN'T HARDLY TOLD ME ANYTHING YET....

.....and I forgot that I wanted to tell you about the razor blades and the ORTHO TRI-CYCLEN that that killed me but I climbed up to the roof like the last branch in a flood with a soggy flare. 

I wanted to tell you about PAXIL and hugging my knees to my chest at dawn, smoking a hundred thousand cigarettes, walking barefoot across the wicked sharp gravel and through deep grass heavy with 5am dew.  And for someone who holds you breathless because they need you like an anchor to see your blood drying in beads and your pajamas damp from walking in the fields turn to say YOU JUST NEED TO LIGHTEN UP.....

I wanted to tell you all these things but I got distracted by pecan pie and secret garden tea parties and my explosive capacity for bliss, and...really?  the only end some things have is the end you give them. 

2 comments:

someone said...

isn't water great? how's this thursday for coffee? never lighten up. You can't. face it. you're doomed.

asia said...

Yeah, water keeps me from searing myself.

I do mean it when I say my pastures are green cause they are...NOW, its just that they werent for a short while there.

Coffee, Thursday? Perfect. 10am?

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