Wednesday, December 29, 2004

The Lies are obvious...

Fr'instance, I didn't actually loose three million at craps cause I didn't have it to start with. Duh.

It was more like three million in play. Parlay up, and then byebye buckys. One can make a million quicklike at the Craps table. Just ask Celion (major looser). Why do you think she was in such a bad mood?

And when there was nowhere else to go but down we went to Fremont street, old Vegas, more tarnish then shine these days. Mom and I took sci-fi pictures in the bathroom at Binions while our company waited outside and rolled their eyes.


I love you to infinity

They have a big (BIG, worlds biggest BIG) screen TV bolted above the four blocks of casinos down there and they gave the remote control to your best friends from middle schools asshole brother.

Mostly really, Bestest Friend and I wandered around cut loose from the Family cause we couldn't seem to wind our watch. It was windy and my hair was tangled the whole time. We wore lots of black and generally I just hung onto his arm building up static electricity on casino carpets and shocking the hell outta myself every few minutes. He is a sculptor and we hit a bad patch at the Forum Shops where he found his sculptor sensibilities deeply wounded when we came upon the Bacchus fountain. I had to loan him my dark glasses and lead him sit down in the coffee shop for awhile.

The whole trip (minus gambling ante and showgirl tips) was a gift from Lee and his parents. Woah!

Goddamn awesome!

--------------------------

Meanwhile...

I had super creepy dreams last night about trying to save a girl who was being murdered by Hannibal but I had to smash his head in and throw his brain in the canal then as he died his eyes rolled back and got all red and he swore I would be next. Meanwhile the girl kinda slunk away or something cause I dont remember much more of her. I got hysterical and tried to find the cops.

Most of the night I was stuck skiing on melting dirty slopes and swinging on a fraying trapeeze in a dying town followed by a tiny robot that was trying to shoot me with real bullets. It was unsatisfying.

But now I am late to go get Sam who is probably still sleeping. Dame Darcy is appearing down at Reading Frenzy tonight. ohmygodohmygodohmygod....
I probably wont make it though.

I got a hot date.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Sitting Still Skills

I have spent the morning trying to catch up with all my favorite blogs and well over an hour trying to correct a little QUIRK in my computer that prevents me from commenting on some of them. If you don't hear from me, well, I tried. I really, really did.

But whatever. All I wanted to say was 'tupid stuff like...MY GREAT UNCLE OWNED THE FIRST TEAM OF BUDWEISER HORSES and YER SO CUTE WHEN YER MAD, I WANNA MAKE OUT WITH YOU and you might know who you are.


Nevada sunset


However!!! Even vacation has its limits. Now I gotta go run... then go work... then go find those real people who keep calling and if I want them to keep calling I have to show up once in a while.

Maybe after that I will come back here, sit with this fat cat on my lap and tell you that we drove over 2300 miles, got a speeding ticket, a tire blowout, lost three million bucks at craps, fell in the fountain at Ceasars Palace, heckled Carrot Top at MGM Grand, threw a smoky Belvedere martini on Celion Dion when she said I looked like a hooker in my strappy heels. That Bitch.


HI Mom

Some things here are lies.

I was sleeping when we got pulled over.


Merry belated holidays!

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Could Be...

Mayim called me to task. Busted.

ok - this is COMPLETELY smart-assy, but is your injury from carrying world-record breaking quantities of glasses in one hand??!?


Smart-assyness well taken... its not the 10 water glasses, cause they dont weigh much...

...but there is a small chance that it could be the 426 pounds of ceramic plates that I carry when I am clearing tables.

You see, I secretly imagine myself to be in the Servers Olympics and winning the gold medal for clearing an eight top dinner table in one trip. Being that I am left handed I tend to pile most of the weight on my right arm.

So, duh... yeah... I should know better.

---------------------------------

Its a laundry doing, cat food buying day. After work tonight I am leaving for Ashland, then Tahoe then onwards to Las Vegas.

I am kinda freakin out. Let the good times roll.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

ache, affliction, agony, discomfort, distress, malady, misery, soreness, spasm, strain, torment, torture

I am quite serious about being in wicked pain and even more serious about my Doctor traipsing around Mexico trying to heal his broken heart.

And I have been without any means of pain management for the last week, FINALS WEEK... during which I rely quite heavily on the use of my arms... the right arm currently crippled in ceaseless agony.

I AM STUDYING AMERICAN SIGN LANGUAGE FER CHRISSAKE! I need that arm for with to make classifiers and to modulate my verbs in a directional manner.

Constant pain becomes hypnotic. Then I come-to like I could snap at this aliveness not-endingness and it makes me want to throw things... but in general people say I seem even more relaxed then usual...

I think its cause I prefer hypnotic daze to demonic possession.

I don't have insurance see... and have yet to convince myself that I can justify an uninsured trip to the ER.

Cause I have an unverifiable injury...
(without an MRI)
the collaborating MD is unreachable in Mexico...
I don't want an office visit cause I don't need a diagnosis....
I just need a prescription.

That sounds bad. I know how bad it sounds. It feels even worse.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Pain Euphoria

I ran out of pain medication at 8am this morning. My doctor left for Mexico at 7:59.


The offending muscles. I am deeply offended.



Got a .01 cent tip last night. Baffled. Wuz it cus yer boyfriend was checkin me out? Shit.
Discovered I can carry 10 water glasses in my hand at one time.
Surely a world record.
Surely.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Pink Elephants

I gotta admit, I have been out of the loop just a wee bit since the election. Its a semi-intentional self preservation tactic, and a semi-self centered rathergetmygrooveon thing I am doing.



One must descend from emotional heights with great care. ... though, really, a small part of me is a little disappointed that the United States hasn't erupted in violent revolt and meaningful upheaval. Small part.

But its not like I have been waiving my pitchfork in the air. Just today, while digging through a mound of clean laundry for a pair of pants that really flatter my ass I felt that twinge... who knows where it came from. Must have washed it, that old sense of OUTRAGE, in a jacket pocket or something.

Rumsfeld is a total jerk. Bush is a hypocrite. The Canadians prove once again they aint so bad. The war is a failure , the media cant be trusted...

What else is new though? That shoulder injury, which left me with permanent nerve damage in the thumb of my right hand earlier this year, is acting up something wicked. I am loopy and nauseous from Vicodin and pain.

I still have to work and study though, and so I gotta battle the fog. This morning I made myself the KICKINGEST ASS cup of coffee you ever seen... I poured a little rice milk in there and I swear the coffee got blacker.

Is it okay to call a mans dog by another mans dogs name?



sink kitty

I wasn't exaggerating about Willies destructive nature. My bathroom will be rubble soon.


She will destroy everything

------------------------------

Bicyclemark, I am doing everything with my toes today just for you. Happy Birthday man.















-------------------------------

I wonder what my study group will think of that? Plus, I decided I aint changing out of my PJ's today. Ass-flattery be damned. Its finals week. There is only so much I can give.

Monday, December 06, 2004

He'll Never Find It Again


newly potted plants!

And while I am at it I might as well throw in a picture of my marathon toe and favorite PJs. See that badass purpleness? Oucha.


freakishly long toes

I told Him about my blog last night but I think he understands exactly zero and asked me once,twice,four times NOW WHAT EXACTLY IS A BLOG AGAIN? He's got the inkling he is behind the curve here, said he heard about BLOGS during the election coverage. AND A BLOG IS WHAT NOW? WHATTZIT ABOUT?

ANYTHING I say, Googling a blog about chainsaws, and one about politics. SEE? ANYTHING AT ALL.

This one is about you baby.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Finals Week

Man I just drank like, 10 cups of rot-gut coffee hunched over weeks of notes and highlighted text and scraps of reminders to do things I never got around to doing.

This girl, pouring over the books with me, she is alway anxious even though she is smart and healthy and young and beautiful... and I worry about her. There is something fundamental in her world view that is heavy and achey and I wish I could make her laugh, take her home, feed her, make silly collages from old magazines.

When I see that kind of sadness I get all protective.



I get all maternal and shit.

Anyway, I am transplanting Pathos and Arrowhead starts into nice little clay pots so His house'll be lusher and greener. I like jungle-y little alcove life and mine is getting the clearcut treatment from Willie and busy-busy-ness of life in general. I already gave Him the palm tree scratching post that was next to the front door in order to save its precious life.

how much damage can one little cat do?

I got tired shins and maybe I will skip my long run tomorrow. Study instead.

Friday, December 03, 2004

Busted

I got another speeding ticket last night which makes me laugh hysterically and feel spitting mad and irritated and overwhelmed all at the same time cause I am broke and a jerk and dont even want to own a car anyway. The only reason I am keeping it is cause he lives 12.9 miles down a dark slick reckless road and I dont want to get kilt on my bicycle by the likes of me.



I am 15 miles in every other direction for school and carpool and work. The grocery store that has been remodeling for a year finally opened so now I can walk to my macaroni and broccoli and tofu and coffee.

I'm cold and aimless today. Every day of the week is work or school or both and I am piqued by the tiredness of it all. I want a real weekend with the heat cranked up and couch sitting, snack eating leisure. Wanna walk to the coffee shop and read unassigned books till my ass goes numb then do a crossword puzzle in ink and drink a second pot of coffee. Shit.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Deleting Drafts

I have all these drafts of posts of stuff that got too big to tackle or stuff that I didn't want to admit.

BIG subjects, take.on.the.nature.of.existance subjects that make me feel exhausted and wimpy.

Like that smacked around thing with my neighbor going to court...

Or back in the beginning of summer, having dreams about my ex-boyfriend who was a selfish prick and its bad enough that I know secretly what I put up with (for years), but that I still have sentimental dreams annoys me.

And then how I tried to save but killed that little duck, and that kitten that died, and that nestless baby bird but my intentions were solid gold.....

And negative genetic tests and brain cancer and the awkward silence...

Those mass graves in Latin America. Razor sharp emotions.

What happens to the body in the electric chair.

Why we started building Nuclear Power Plants as a P.R. campaign, the domestic counterpart to the nuclear arms race.

*sigh*

See?
Already I need to go take a nap.

I am not shallow, just sensative and spooked.

Monday, November 29, 2004

Seamless Integration

Back from the San Juan Islands, he brought me hot sauce. HOT hot sauce that comes with, I kid you not... its own coke spoon that screws into a gold bullet key chain for on-the-go convenience.

Supposedly with this tiny travel spoon you should be measuring out all the sauce you need for one big pot of chili ...so hot is this sauce.


HOTNESS

And o'course I slathered the tip of my finger in 6oo,ooo Scoville peppery goodness and stuck it in my mouth. GODDAMNIT. The substance in chilies that makes them spicy is called capsaicin. It is concentrated in the veins of the fruit (not the seeds) and stimulates the nerve endings in your mouth, fooling your brain into thinking you're in pain. The brain responds by releasing substances called endorphins, which are similar in structure to morphine. A mild euphoria results, and chilies can be mildly addictive because of this hot pepper "high".

Boy was my brain ever fooled. But I keep doing it cause I love it.

--------------------------

I am traipsing around town with this guy who is, for the first time in a long time, more than a detached anthropological curiosity to me. He is my polar opposite, all math and science to my art and humanities. His friends adore him (good), he adores me (great)... so I spend every waking minute with him and rub his head and put my feet up on his dashboard and rest my head on his shoulder.

With these few hours now I am going to go run my little heart out. Between the morphine-like pepper high, infatuation wiggles, and full-spectrum circadian euphoria I can barely survive the day unless I do.

Gonna run 15 miles. Gonna lace up extra tight and break records and break hearts and come home feeling blood-let.


Go

Friday, November 26, 2004

Buy Nothing Day

I did, I bought a veggie fajita taco and a cup of coffee... 12 oz. Damn me.


Sierras


Ghosttown


Bodie

Thanksgiving day. Walked along the lake shore just a few breathes before snowfall and talked about sea monkeys and the declining dollar. A year ago I was spitting distance from moving here... now its just another roadside fantasy shrinking in the back window.


Lake Tahoe

Early flight. Came home to the fog, pilot circled and circled till he thought he could see through the clouds... DONE THIS PLENTY FOLKS, ITS AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE. Kate's twice stolen car full of kid and kid mess, we slipped into the haze and disappeared. I cant tell what time of day it is and am uncertain that I ever even left this impenatrable womb, sushing through the mist. SHHHHH.....

My home stinks of cat piss, the palm near the front door has been used as a scratching post, greenery all over the floor... plant on the table in utter defeat, overflowing litterbox, poopoo smears on the bathroom floor, not a kibble of food and only three drops of water left in the food bowl.... Willie charges the hallway a few times in response to my homecoming. I am firing my cat sitter, even if he does work for free.

All cleaned up, purring kitty in my lap. It smells like Pine-Sol and Nag-Champa which is a hell of a lot better then how it smelled when I walked in. I put away my toothbrush, unpacked my bags, took out the garbage, swept and mopped.

Now I just want to hear that my baby will be home from his family Thankgiving to-night so I can float through work.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Record Street Cafe, Reno Nevada

Doing homework, WIFI style, out and about on the town. My mom and I had lunch in a tropical jungle theme buffet with regularly scheduled monsoons, lightning and thunder and freaked out chimp in the upper bough noises with lots of cocktail shrimp, sweettart lemonade and dried out desserts. Yum.

The desert is cold and hot at the same time and I feel distressed and endangered, then sweaty and stuffy. My finger is on the button... window down, window up, window down, window up.

The desert is dry brown and full of hawks on fence posts and hunting over streambeds and fields... magpies and dirt... scrub and dirt and rocks and dirt and dirt and dirt.

Back home the shades of green get greener in the winter. My orientation is shaky and vertiginous here. I would die of sunburn and dehydration on the way to 7-11 for a Slurpy if my Momma weren’t coming after me with her armaments.

And I am sick. FLU, mild case. I almost canceled my trip altogether. But she promised me soup and vitamin C and checks my forehead every half hour, rewraps my scarf against the wind. Who's gonna take care of me like that when I'm sick? Huh?

So yeah, camping was canceled and I slept all day Monday.


Sierra Nevadas

Tuesday we packed into the Jeep and drove down to Bodie on a bumpy dirt highway through the most fabulous Sierra Nevada vistas I have ever seen, though I slept most of the way... sleepwalked through the creepy ghost town and slept on the unbumpy parts home.

The Jeep, PUJ, receives no less love then any other full fledged member of the family (perhaps more then some of the ungrateful brats in our herd) and was in good form for the four-wheelin' impassable wash-outs they call roads here in Nevada.

My mothers home is perfectly white and perfectly undecorated, Zen-like, except in small corners like her office where she hoards odd ornaments from our childhood with characteristic (extreme) sentimentality. Lee does not horde but generously indulges my mothers various endearing idiosyncrasies. The overall effect is soothing and makes me feel safer then almost anywhere else in the world.

Home sweet home. Happy Thankgiving. Eat Tofu.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Thanksgiving Week

Dinner shift... 3am date... 5am flight... layover... in 24 hours I will be unfurling my sleeping bag for a cold night in Death Valley with the rattle snakes and scorpions.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Ugh...

I woke up this morning feeling like there was a bowling ball sitting on my solar plexus so I hit the snooze alarm for two hours, as if five minute intervals of sleep interupted by hateful chimes is gonna make me feel better. I dont feel better. I feel icky.

But I promised the things I promised so I gotta get up, gotta go, gotta do stuff, write blog posts and make apple crisp, get to work on time.

I am sitting in front of my new light therapy box that I got off eBay, bathing in full spectrum light and ionized air so to achieve circadian balance and perkiness. Who couldnt stand a little extra perk? Read all about my DSPS.


blink blink

Anyway, I kicked mid-term ass and am heading into the final stretch for fall term. Am taking this next week off to fly home and eat Tofurky. In a stroke of pure genius I managed to get a whole week off while only actually missing a day and a half of classes and one shift at work. Yo, rockstar!

Good thing my timing is so impeccable cause lately I been flouncing around all pigeon toed and starry eyed and tongue tied, like its a good idea to ignore everything.

And that aint the half of it... 'cept today. Today I feel like someone knocked the wind outta me, like they punched that soft little spot just under my ribs with an uppercut motion and I need to go lay down again.

Friday, November 19, 2004

New Post, coming soon... really good stuff. Really. Like, love and vacation and passing mid-term grades and stuff like that.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

Belly Flops Onto The Bed

I spent the whole morning in bed eating green papaya salad, reading American Elf (James Kochalka I love you!) and My Evil Twin Sister. Its my running day off cause tomorrow I scheduled 12 miles and so today I get to lay around charging my batteries.

My Evil Twin Sister is driving me crazy cause she writes about living in my home town and hanging out in my apartment, and dating my roommates but she uses pseudonyms for everyone and there was so much craziness back then moving in and out, moving across the hall, moving home, then traveling around and moving back in to sublet my old room from someone who is prolonged subletting from someone who moved in after I moved out... So I cant place her and I don't know if I know her but how could I not? Anyway, she's great.

My language skills feels awkward and skewered, like I am having some sorta ASL intrusion but it is manifesting itself in weird verbizations and clause confusion, herniated pronominalization... and that sucks for me cause I am fetishistic about expression and writing and speaking and loving of words that I can polish like pearls.

But I am suffering in both languages and it is making me pondersome, and partly an itty-bit miserable. Its an adjustment period I am sure. I hope.

Like Friday night, in a conversation about restaurants, I tried to tell a Deaf Vietnamese woman that I have a friend who is Thai who always takes me to Pho, but instead I told her that my friend and I always get Thai at the Pho place which is not only an entirely different thing to say, but is awkward to correct and makes me sound like a dumb redneck who thinks all Asians look the same.

Then it made me wonder why I even pointed out that my friend is Thai like it matters, except that she broadens my food horizons exponentially cause she prefers all sort of Asian food to most American food. That idea was tied into something that was too abstract for me to express in sign language with my limited skills so the whole moment left me feeling impotent and profoundly sorrysome.

So I just ran off cause that is what I do, but that sort of behavior is probably interpreted culturally as rude by Deaf people who love long goodbyes... the longer the better. Goodbyes take like, as long as the event itself. I am not used to feeling humble and soft spoken in social situations. The growing pains of broader horizons. *sigh*

Anyway, America's culture war has got me all excited and feisty feeling. And superior. Did I mention how superior I feel, that me and my friends and family are smarter and better and brighter then all those conservative dickheads that are each and every one of them personally responsible for the next terrorist attack?

Yes, it is going to be tragic but my feeling of superiority will be a small comfort on that day.

I am gonna snuggle up with my superiority, deposit it in my account, use it as a lift in my shoe, beat you assholes about the head and shoulders with it. Yes, we are better then you, more deserving then you, better looking and have sweet smelling breath. Sucks for you.

Saturday, November 13, 2004

Long Night

Willie was hangin' with the tweekers in the back parking lot last night, in the circle of lamp light smoking generics and rewiring a car stereo.

KITTY, I cried WHY FOR? DON'T I PROVIDE CATNIP ENOUGH FOR YOU?

MEOW she said and charged down the hallway like a full grown elephant. I suffered all night while she tore it up, battling the white light. This morning she is contrite, reserved, maybe filled with catlike regret. She is trying to sleep and I am gonna to go jump on the bed.

Then I am gonna to put holy water in my squirt bottle and march out to the back parking lot. Make some changes around here.

All night, when I was sleeping I was dreaming about an ex-boyfriend who I have only seen once in six years and before that it was when the cops were prying him away. Good riddance I thought. In nine months there was only one incident of abuse and that was when I hit him with a closed fist. He was insultingly unharmed, but my hand was wrapped for a week.

That's how all my abusive episodes have ended up, starting with my older brother who said he couldn't even feel it when I hit him, just to rub in that I was holding my sprained hand in tears while the sun glinted off his uninjuredness.

I think I have tried at least once to punch every boyfriend I ever kept for more then six months... not that many really, 4 or 5.

I shoulda seeked counseling.

Anyway...

Speaking of fighting...

(thanks Loaded Mouth)

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Morning Run

Since I can't seem to give up coffee entirely I decided this morning, resolutely, that I could limit myself to 12oz instead. That resolve firm, I marched down to the coffee shop just now and ordered a 16oz coffee. I don't know what happened. In between the thirty two footfalls from here to there I just forgot. The guy at the counter stood there watching me stir, then started giggling and said UM, I, UH... THIS IS A WEIRD THING TO SAY, BUT YOU JUST SMELL SO FRESH AND CLEAN and started waving his hands in the air to indicate, what? a cloud of fresh cleanliness.

UM, THANKS.

I just ran a few miles and showered and my hair is still wet and I am out without a hat in the foggy, misty November morning....smelling good.

And there was a guy in Carharts and an Irish accent and he made my stomach turn cause Carharts and especially Irish accents do that to me, make me weak in the knees. I wrote a story about it once, an Irish accent.

But I have to be resolved about something so let it be this... I absolutely must finish my ASL translation about Tradition IRAs this morning.

So there. I came back home.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

My Sainted Mother

... whose mind is like a little theatre but who, at least, is still in the directors seat, sent me care package today. She sends them about every other week or so and they are always full of unexpected delights and thoughtful gifts.

This weeks package included:

- 42 packets of Splenda
- one packet of chocolate malt drink powder from Mexico
- a packet of Taiwanese instant cereal
- a packet of Taiwanese 'yam nutritious cereal'
- a few tea bags
- regular ole' American instant oatmeal (two packets)
- wasabi peas
- a couple books....
- a copy of The Walker by Arturo Giovannitti, 1914 (one of her favorite poems that she has sent me twice before but doesn't remember)
- a sketch book
- half a bottle of ibuprofen
- and best of all... a homemade magnet made with a picture of Willie Cat all covered with highlighter pen
-aaaaand.....


don't forget the tomato paste!


Vintage Swingline 400 series


(already opened)


all this and the hippie tapestry too!

I am the luckiest kid in the whole world!

----------------------

Otherwise its back to the books for midterms and other competing distractions.

Bought cat toys in desperation. Got a blue feather pompon on a stick that is more fun then I could have ever imagined. Willies' devotion to its' capture is without regard for life or limb, and she has displayed a dazzling array of acrobatic maneuvers that I would have easily underestimated her ability to perform. Little fatty that she is.


Airborne Willie

I watched Control Room this last weekend. Great movie, highly recommend it.

Wasabi peas are not wasabi enough. I really just wanna eat wasabi but it seems uncouth somehow, like eating mayonaise from the jar or something.

Am leaving to make dinner with Kate whose car was stolen then found again, like mine was, just a few days later. I might bring my new stapler with me just in case... its even fully loaded with staples you know!

Friday, November 05, 2004

Right Back Atcha Mr. President!


Winner!

You can see the video clip, and even download it yourself here.

I shouldn't be so heartbroken. I shouldn't be so humorless and bereft. I should dry those fucking tears cause there is one thing, one major factor on my side of this divide. Reality. Americans can deny reality for only so long.

They can continue to believe Bush is a firm and resolute leader, a man of sound judgment, that invading Iraq was necessary and good, that we are bringing freedom to the Iraqi people, that God is on our side, that a man who loses three debates despite being wired, runs up the national debt to an all time high but only after squandering an inherited (projected) Ten-Year Surplus Of $5.6 Trillion, uses terrorist threat levels as a tool for political advantage, stonewalled the 9/11 commission, stonewalled inquiries into the Valerie Plame investigation...DESERVES to be President of the United States. They can believe that...

But like any denial-based construct that uses templates to interface with the world, the American version of reality is not supported by results and will inevitably self destruct.

Already other countries are cutting back or pulling entirely their troops out of Iraq... Honduras and the Dominican Republic, The Philippines, Hungary, Thailand, Bulgaria, New Zealand, Singapore, Moldova, Norway, Spain, Poland, the Czechs plan to pull out by the end of February, the Dutch by the end of March, and Japan is feeling pressure to withdraw, Britain is 'questioning its "special relationship" with the United States'...

Yes, even Britain is reducing their presence in Iraq.

And what do you think is going to happen to our military, already spread dangerously thin and stationed in hostile territory without adequate supplies? As Bush's coalition of the willing uneasily detangles itself from his mess for the sake of their own political careers, for the stability of their respective countries, for the chance to save a couple of their unfortunate citizens from beheading, what do you think is going to happen?

What about that? Are you ready for the draft? Are you ready for a SITTING DUCK president who not only feels like he now has a mandate from the voters to lead this country, but who is totally unconcerned with re-election, and the accompanying pressures to conform somewhat to public opinion.

That is reality, and that is going to be one painful lesson.

By the way, today Deconstructionist is One Year Old!!!! HOt shit!

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Post Election Day Blues

Portland Oregon
"In Portland, Ore., a city so staunchly liberal that it is sometimes called the People's Republic of Portland, the outcome of the presidential race was absorbed with the levity of a mass funeral."


Portland Protests Bush

I am searching for answers today, boy am I. Did I really expect Kerry could win? There was just a moment where I did, yeah, but if I had such persistent doubts why was I not more emotionally prepared for a Bush victory? I am stunned. Stunned. Devastated.


Police Escort

I mean, its not like Kerry could have been effective anyway. It was a lose/lose situation for him, he inevitably would be held responsible for the momentum of the Bush Administration debacle by impatient constituents wanting unreasonable results. And insurmountable hatred from those bellicose, sloganeering Bush supporters.



Protest Protester

Lets face it, most Americans do not come close to comprehending the complexity of our political system, and are therefore, mostly incapable of understanding the terrain. I don't think he would ever get full credit for any work he did do, all of which would have been met with intense resistance from an overwhelmingly Republican Congress.


Police Escort

So what would be to gain in winning the White House? We could have stopped the bleeding. We could have begun to patch up international relations, rebuild alliances, maybe we would just put the brakes on a little bit. But that's it.


Onlooker

Four years ago I thought one term would be enough. I thought after four years of G.W. Bush Americans would be screaming for change. That a term of Bush was just what they needed, a dose of bad medicine. Americans needed to hit bottom. I thought the country would be realigned and maybe we could come together to build gardens and schools and hold hands with our neighbors, that maybe the lions and the lambs would be cuddling under the burgeoning fruit trees, that Jews and Blacks and Lesbians and Christians... all of us could all drink cocktails together and laugh about the social gaffes of the past. Fuck.

Instead America got a mean look in its eye and we squared off against each other. A country so deeply divided is in a whole mess of trouble.

Portland got mad today and took to the streets. Fuck you America. You wanted him and I hope you live to learn to regret it, I hope you feel it in every burning cell in your body.


Horseys and Riot Gear

Monday, November 01, 2004

Vote, I Did!

I am wound tight tonight, hot shit. Sam talked me out of disowning my own Dad for his political views. I am in a disowning mood. I should take that badness and go over to my closet, make a little room in there. I might skip class tomorrow instead and beat down doors to find reticent voters, drag them to the polls.

I could die from this feeling, you know. Die dead.

Oregon is expecting record voter turnout based on early returns, absentee ballots. Secretary of State Bill Bradbury estimates 84%. YO! I bet we kick everyone's turnout-ass! I will give up pickles for a week if I am wrong.

Lets talk about delusional... Cheney recently said to a crowd in Montoursville, Pa that the U.S. invasions of "Afghanistan and Iraq will be studied for years for their brilliance." That is an astonishingly arrogant comment but what do you expect from a man who is, in fact, Satan himself. Bush may be a fucking lunatic moron but Cheney is pure evil, and totally disconnected from reality.

I can't wait for tomorrow. I'm getting it all now, emotions too big for my body....even here in the reduced environmental stimulation of my tiny little home.
I am a house on mother-fucking fire!

Halloween

I wonder if the honor system works with todays trick-or-treaters. I bet one little brat emptied the whole bowl into his bag. I hope he gets fat.



Pink wigs get me drunk with joy. So does 814 shots of whiskey and a safe ride home.

My house is being destroyed by a 2 ounce cat.

Sunday, October 31, 2004

Daylight Savings

Its been like I like it to be, cozy and angry and promising, like upheaval, like there is a roof on the globe I live in, like the whole fucking world is alive.


The other day.

Except today. Today was perfect blue like riding with the top down and a bright red scarf, squinting. I got up at 5am, or was it 6am? or was it 7am? Some of my clocks set themselves automatically, some didn't. My phone should have set itself but since I set the phone alarm the night before, it didn't. And at 5am I couldn't for the life of me tease any sense out of the concept of time. It was 6am, then it was 5am again, then it was 6am and I had to get up and go. RACE DAY.


This day today.

The first race I ever ran was the First Annual Run Like Hell last October. I ran the half marathon and finished in 2:07 though I had never ran more then 6.5 miles two days before the race, and before that only 4 miles ever at one time. So I just had to run again this year and I had to get downtown early but at 5am I didn't know what time it was or which way to move my clocks cause I wasn't sure which clocks knew better and already moved themselves, and which didn't.

I got to registration early and spent the chilly bright blue hour and a half walking circles through Pioneer Square and going pee e.v.e.r.y. t.i.m.e. I passed the port-a-potties. I have a real problem with race-day bladder.

I decided yesterday to run the 5k instead of the whole half marathon cause I just haven't been running enough since the marathon to run 13 miles like I wanna run 13 miles... or maybe I decided on the 5k cause it was raining to float an ARC these last few days.

So I ran the 5k and finished 25:46, 3/53 in my age group, 8:18/mile pace. I am pretty pleased with that cause I felt like I was running asthmatic and pigeon-toed but I guess that is totally subjective.

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